Great transcribing! (Or other correct word if that's not the right one ^^'
I loved how it sounded the same and was playable to an extent that many people would enjoy it. I also like how the woodwinds didn't play and came in later, but agree that this should've been done for concert band instead if you wanted to do that. I really didn't get the marching band feeling at all - I felt the staccatos were forced, and that the piece simply didn't sound like it was a march. Also, I would put more than just one baritone on the main theme at the beginning.
So overall, it's an amazing start but I feel, knowing your other works, that you could do so much more with it. Thanks for sharing!
P.S. I would love to see that section where they all shout out random words like Mosseltoff and whatnot.