It's not that far from a decent work. Just like most of the pieces on YC, we've put them up for reviews and help in determining what we can do to make them better. Much of what I write I just push myself to get from start to finish, and then worry about polishing it afterwards. Temple just needs a good polishing. Break it down into pieces, and work through it that way. For example, define what each section should be, and then work through each section separately, to build it into a great piece. I'm certain some of us would be able to help you with that if you want, because it's a good start and there's no reason to throw it away.
EDIT: As far as measure numbers go, it's understandable for many groups to want to have them (some pieces have measure numbers at the start of systems to help expedite rehearsal as well). As far as a comment from a publisher, I would hold off on using that as a basis. The problem is that while publishers are about 80% similar in what they want to see in a submission, the other 20% is uncertain and should not be used until you know who you would like to have it published by. Formatting is a big problem and should be worried about after a piece is finished, not in the middle of it.
However, that's a cosmetic issue. Let's get this piece looking great.