Hi,
Ok, well, I listened to your piece following the score on the screen. There are some things which I would like to communicate to you, good but also less good.
First of all, let me begin by saying that I like the concept of your work. I am unfamiliar with the first version of your work - at least it does not ring a bell - hence I cannot compare between the two versions..
Unfortunately, when turning to the score , there are some things I would like to mention: you open your work with a pianochord on d minior, whereas the indication placed at your key suggests a different key (Sib or g); The chords used throughout the entire score are rahter "full" chords, sixth, seventh, ninths elevenths, are in a minority which would make your piece lighter.
Secondly: i understand the question answer principle with which you open (page 1 9-12) but I would have written the flute one octave higher, evt. would have opt for the piccolo, the contrast would have been better I think when the oboe answers.
At 13, the answer of the oboe, the accompagment becomes really flat but perhaps that is intentionally done. Before, you used full chords, and then suddenly you go to just a D played by piano bassoon and sax. This obsession with "d" continues the entire p 2 as well as p 3.
In 25-26, you elaborate in the orchestration, but what the have to play remains very "basic" a d and an a-d, Why not use a pedal note, why not elaborate on enforced notes,
Furthermore, it strikes me that you use sets of three of four instruments to play the same melodic line, as in e.g.p 7 (fl 1-2-o<img src="http://network.youngcomposers.com/elgg/ipb/public/style_emoticons/default/cool.gif" alt="B)" /> (cl 1-2-3) without having a difference in altitude nor in notes (kwint, sixth, third position)., p. 6: horns). This is ok when done for a while to reinforce a melody so it is clearly presented but flattens your piece when it is done throughout. p 9 last measure with the fermate: the trombone goes to a in F key. Personally - but that is my way of working - I tend to change to a different clef (do not know its name in English) 4 line Perhaps I change key too often, but personally I am convinced that it reads easier than those small line above the system (until now had no complaints by workingso).
These are a few remarks I wanted to share. As said, I like the concept of the work, but even after a thorough reworking of the piece, I still think it needs a ... rework... <img src="http://network.youngcomposers.com/elgg/ipb/public/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif" alt=":)" />
Keep up the good work though, I am curious to see the final result
Kind regards
W.S.
P.S.: I thought of this last night in bed, overthinking my commentaries about your score... It seems like you started orchestrating this while not using a pianoversion (sketch version) of your piece. If you would make a pianoversion of your work, you would see that for 90 % of the time you would see that you have only two lines (a melodic line and a base line) practically solely consisting of one line of notes, thus leaving out the middle harmonics. When you look at other piano versions of a score, you would see that there are more notes than just the melodci line and the base line.