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I haven't seen the original work, so I'm just looking at this as a concert band piece. I think the opening develops too slowly - I think it would sound better if four bars were cut out and the vibraphone came in at bar 5. I found the glock/oboe rhythm at 96 quite interesting. If you were intending this to be played by a real band, I would kind of recommend just having the glock play it - the reason being it's a very hard rhythm to play, and even I would probably find myself very slightly fudging it. Which would be fine if I was the only player with it, but two players fudging the same unison rhythm can end badly. Another thought I have is that it doesn't seem like it changes enough. You've got plenty of tempo/rhythmic variation, and you change up the chords, but you don't have any dynamic variation and you often use the same combinations of instruments. These things will come more naturally to you as you get more experience in writing - an idea will come with a specific sound/dynamic/colour in mind. You're also generally using the full range of registers available within the concert band - more ideas for variation would be using only the high register or the low register.

@edfgi234 You have many good ideas of rhythms and your harmony is interesting. However, piece is a bit too long for my opinion and there were some parts where it felt quite empty: It's a bit of a dramatic fall after our ear got used to more rhythmic patterns, more complex harmony and more voices. It feels to empty, at least for me. If you want this nothingness I guess it's fine but I think you should drop these elements one by one. I'd simply give the right hand chords too, so it sounds... fuller in a way. Also I like the way it ends.

I like what you've done here. There were a few times where it got a little harder to follow, but I think that the sort of nebulousness matches your own feelings towards your father. I hope that writing this piece of music brought you some sort of peace and perhaps closure. I think that this type of music is extremely important as it comes from a very real and raw artistic place, and is therapeutic to the artist as well as those who listen to it. Keep at it!

I appreciate that you are branching out into other moods of music, though. It’s especially beneficial if you’re not used to it — getting out of the comfort zone is good. Making nothing but depressing music gets old after a while, too! The opening theme is ok, but the voice leading and blocky chords are big issues that hamper it. I think that’s why you find it “cheesy.” For example, in the opening 3 or so bars, it’s clunky to have this melody accompanied by chords that are always in their root position. In mss. 6 and 7, the L.H. thirds jump around all over the place. Try not to force the music, but rather, let one thought lead naturally into the next, and it will begin to flow how you want it to. The triplet sections are better. (I especially like the little grace notes in mss. 15 and 21.) The idea of having the more “solid” opening contrasted with a lighter staccato section is good and makes perfectsnese, it’s just the execution of the opening that needs work. This was neat to listen to — thanks for sharing! 😌