Yes, there are some nice changes in here. In general I find that if things are disjointed I've either gotten ahead of myself or introduced new ideas without first developing the previous one. In short, too many ideas. Also, when you start and stop that sounds disjointed. You might try forcing yourself to use an ostinato or a line that does not stop, as an exercise that may help you think more "continuous." Good luck to you! 24 keys is a big deal, especially if you're having trouble in C. You may have trouble in the others because you're not the kind of composer that likes to be in only one key? Nothing wrong with that, but you may have to rethink your paradigm.