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I'm mainly interested in fixing how the lyrics is phrased and or how it should be written on the music(sho-ok or sh-ook or shoo-k). ThanksThe Crown that should be mine - Full Score.pdf

That's just your interpretation tho, I see a perfectly rendered 1962 Cadillac.

and you will never convince the dregs that actual value judgement regarding quality can be made and that "meaning" doesn't equate to "good". Usually, "meaning" is just florid "obscurantism" trying to pass off the inane as the sophisticated. But we've already been over this. Check this out You may see blotches of color, but that's just because you're a layman. You lack the education to see the deeper meaning. If you had, you would see the reflections of our world and the human spirit within these brushstrokes.

It's over an hour long with the repeats. That's not very practical if you want to perform this unless this is the only thing in the concert lol. Why the repeats, too? They don't seem to have any function other than to make the whole thing much longer. You would be much better serve to actually write the part you want to repeat again with some variation instead of putting a repeat bar, specially if the part that you're repeating is over 2 or 3 minutes long. I think when you have so much STUFF, the best approach is to go and see what you can actually remove. There's simply way too much material that's way too different, it almost seems like you could've as well written two entire sonatas with what's just in the first movement. But seriously, take things out, take everything that you can out and leave only what's absolutely necessary. This seems like you spent two months writing and never actually stopped! The ending cadences are really strange too. Like, measure 402-403 on the first movement, unless you really intend the piece to not really end, that's really strange. It makes the next part seem like part of the movement or something that should be played attacca. No, but seriously, what's this? That entire thing ends in the Ab minor chord. You just literally shoved the Eb minor chord after it as if to say "Look I'm in the tonic at the end" but that segment actually ends in Ab minor, if you just repeat the Ab chord in the next two measures with the fermata you'd have a pretty normal end. If you wanted to make Ab -> Eb, you could do Ab major 7 -> Eb minor, because it shares notes, but that's still not a Dominant -> Tonic relationship (in fact Eb minor is nothing to Ab minor, harmonically. And no, there's no such thing as minor dominants in a cadence, they're modulation targets if anything.) In fact, Eb minor has nothing to do with that whole bar really. What's even worse is you actually cadence (properly) into Ab minor! So what the hell? I mean, maybe it's totally something you wanted to do, but I get the feeling it isn't because the entire rest of the first movement is filled with bog-standard T-D-T cadence structures. It's really bizarre you'd want to totally avoid it for no reason suddenly at the end. And then the other movement after that has also are really strange ending. I don't know if you're trying to avoid being "cliche," but what's up with that? You're doing t -> tP -> s -> s65 -> t, but, y'know, could've used SOMETHING with a b#, a dim G# major, some kind of suspension, hell even the s -> t could use a little more than just the added 6th. The little bit that comes after has the B#, but it's weird hearing it there as an alternating note since those can usually be non-harmony compliant. Again, because you kept using pretty standard harmony during the rest of the movement, the ending feels like it was cut and pasted from something else entirely. Anyway, yeah, cut stuff. Seriously, cut stuff, trim this down to 30 minutes (without repetitions!) AT MOST, please. You can use the stuff you cut for new pieces! Many, in fact!

A two minute score for chamber, written to accompany underwater and coastal footage. Hope you like it! These are fun to put together 🙂 Would welcome any and all feedback!