Sheet music seemed ok to me given it's an example. You can trim the bars at the end when ready.
Point is, composing melody is so personal a thing that it's difficult to give feedback. Always easier if they have a context/a background against which they're set.
I found them rather choppy and angular but a) that's just me, b) in another form they might transform to something very lyrical. I mean, just changing #2 to a legato and perhaps altering rhythm and stress makes quite a difference in mood. 'Choppy' might be what you want (a sprightly ballet scene or something) in which case fine.
It might still be worth looking at traditional melody writing (if you haven't already) just to broaden your repertoire. Traditionally you'd have, say, two balanced parts, the first ending on some sort of imperfect cadence, the second on a perfect one. Also worth learning a bit about modulation as melodies usually lead somewhere which might be to a new episode/melody in a different key. Likewise you might have a surprise modulation in a melody but need to know how to get back to the home key. These things take a bit of practice across time but they come in the end. Sorry if you already know this but in case others don't....
Usually, combining melodies counts as 'development' which often needs movement around different keys. (for those who want to explore this from scratch have a look at almost any Mozart Sonata first movement or Eine Kleine.
There's a further point... writing for a melody instrument other than keyboard, the harmony is implied in the melody. You seem aware of this but it's worth experimenting with greater variety in a tune like this. For example, bar 3, shift the whole thing up a minor 3rd (to A flat) then back down in bar 4 to get back in the home key.
Can you forgive me quoting your tune but changed thus, as an example?
Must admit I've never thought about compositional goals. It's been about self-expression above and beyond the capabilities of words and, if I get the chance, make a little money out of it with some commercial fragments or at least a decent dinner and a few beers if working with someone else for nothing! (which has little to do with self-expression but what the 'client' wants!)
Cheers.