Hi @Alex Weidmann,
I like the modulation around 5:30 to C minor!! Very interesting and nice change there, and modulate to E flat minor is a nice touch, even though it will be adventurous for a Baroque piece. But ending on E flat major will be unsuitable for a Baroque piece, but if the style is not your main concern it will be fine.
It depends on your conception of the structure of this movement. For example, do you want a dramatic middle section which feature frequent modulations, or a stable middle section in a related key like G major, B minor or A minor etc.?
In b.58 the bass will be out of breath with that long note!
Thanks for your new version!
Henry