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Well, I'd encourage you to work through your score and try to think about the voice leading yourself! Also, realize that I'm just an amateur like you. A few more thoughts, though. I think the second phrase is voiced somewhat more effectively, though there are still parallel octaves (well, 16ths) between the violins and the celli, as well as hidden fourths moving from the third beat to the fourth beat. I'm not sure that those are a problem here, but I usually find that when I do have parallel/hidden perfect intervals, it's usually worth taking a few minutes to see if I can voice things in a way that avoids them. Doesn't always work, but often it ends up sounding better. At measure 8, you have this interesting downward figure in the strings, which features parallel fifths between the viola and the violins, and parallel sevenths (!), albeit displaced by a few octaves, between the violins and the celli/basses. The parallel sevenths is an interesting choice, and I think it maybe kind of works. I wouldn't call it a problem from a voice-leading perspective, but it does create a series of unresolved dissonances all the way through the measure. Maybe that's what you want. I think it might be more effective to get rid of the parallel fifths that the violas create, though - maybe have them play the same rhythm, but holding steady on that E flat? I also note that in the basses, you omit the D at the bottom of the figure (since that's below their range) but the preceding E flat is also a semitone below their lowest open string (assuming you're writing for standard orchestral contrabasses). I've read that the best practice, when the bass line goes below that bottom E natural, is not to omit the basses but to simply have them jump up an octave for the notes that would otherwise be unplayable. If they're playing together with the cellos, the result sounds like a smooth lines; you don't hear the jump. One other note is that in this phrase you seem to be writing freely for the timpani - that phrase would require seven drums to play, and it also goes below the bottom range for the standard size timpani! Even though I know that nothing I write will be played by a human, I usually try to stick to four timpani at maximum. I actually find the scoring starting at m. 14 much better. And the gesture at m. 19 is very effective - the woodwinds reinforcing the blast from the horn, and then the horn's long descending line over tremolo strings and timpani, gaining strength as it leads up to another statement of the opening "motto". Very well done. All I have time for at the moment, I'm afraid. Hopefully this was somewhat helpful!

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