I have been interested in composition for a while now, though in spurts of "inspiration" (using that term in the humblest possible way).
I started off just noodling with musescore with absolutely no concept of what I wanted. I thought the solution would be to learn a lot of theory and use it. But while learning the grammar has been useful, I can't really compose with theory in mind (except for basic counterpoint guidelines). I mean, I can do it, but nothing really comes of it.
The only way I can enjoy the process and produce something that gives me some personal sense of accomplishment is if I just sort of improvise with the notation software. I do have a vague idea in my head when I'm composing, but a lot of it is more sculpting than realising a fixed and solid idea already in my mind's ear. In fact, my mind's ear is quite limited in comparison to what I imagine musicians generally have. That is, I could generate very little without the crutch of notation software and playback.
I do enjoy this process though and I'm not sure it's within my ability or even worth the colossal effort to develop a more traditional ear for composition. After all, I do it for enjoyment and have no pretentious about it whatsoever. HOWEVER, it has prevented me from seeking out composition lessons which I think I might enjoy as well. The thing is, while I'm personally at peace with my dilettante-ish ways, I'm afraid of how it would come off to a teacher. I almost feel like it would be in some way disrespectful.
Honestly, this post is fizzling out. I'm not sure of the purpose, but I felt like writing this out. Did I just want a pat on the head? I don't know. Hopefully there's something here for discussion. Thank you for reading!