bedner1

As a guitar player and a huge Miles Davis fan, I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

Beautiful piece. It would be nice to have the score to read along as I listen though. My only critique on the work would be this: I wish this was longer! You have written some wonderful parts here and I think that they warrant some further development and exploration. Part of the fun of listening to a piece like this is to see what kind of journey you, as the composer, can take us on and at the moment it's not a long one. If that mean's abandoning the "only black keys" experiment I say, so be it. This piece has a lot of potential and I think it would be worth your time exploring what you can do with it. Great job!

Awesome piece! How did you get them to play it?

I like that you're trying to branch out and create something with a new sound. It's certainly not easy to do. I'm not sure you've fully achieved what you're trying to do with this piece though. The two vocal lines I would say need a little more development in terms of melody. Also the inter-play between the two is almost non-existent. I know that you are trying to shy away from typical use of counterpoint but I wouldn't abandon it all together! Personally I don't think that you should only have the soprano come in at the last seven bars. Yes, it leaves me wanting more but it also makes me think that the piece isn't totally finished. I do like the sparseness of the piece. The fact that you have the piano playing pretty dense chords that are not fully melodic and not completely atonal is quite well done and I'm sure wasn't easy to devise so kudos on that! All in all this is a very interesting work and a valiant effort. It's good to know that you are searching for a new sound but I would make this one suggestion: Don't worry too much about trying to create a completely new and unique musical genre. I would say focus more on generating your own personal style and more importantly music that you actually like! I think when it comes to "classical" music we all have to strive to not sound derivative of others, which does take a lot of trail and error and lots and lots of writing. Early Beethoven sounds very different from mid to late period Beethoven, for example. I hope this review helps. I'm not trying to be overly critical but I did want to give you my honest opinion of the work.

I'd have to disagree with dddhgg on this. I don't consider the scales to sound trite or over used at all. I'm not even sure how one goes about over using a scale anyway. Given the title is Star Gazing I feel that the repeating ostinato fits perfectly with your theme. First I would question if this is truly a minimalist piece. I'm not sure that is what you're going for in this, since you pretty much abandon that concept at Bar 15. That's not to say I don't like what you wrote after that, it's just that if this was truly a minimalist piece, it probably wouldn't work there. However if that is the case and you are going for minimalism, I would say you might want to consider removing pretty much everything after Bar 14 and develop the ostinato and the bass line melody more as the piece progresses. I do have an issue with bar 22. It seems a little out of place with the rest of that section. You may want to consider moving that towards the end and developing the idea until it progresses into what you wrote in the final bars. All around though this is a great piece and you did a wonderful job with it. It has a nice dreamy quality to it and a very calm and soothing tone, perfect for star gazing!

Wow, that was an amazing piece! I really love Riech's work myself and you emulated it perfectly. My only suggestion would be, if possible, to create a more flowing rhythmic pulse by the time you reach the middle section. The piece has such a wonderful build to it but there is always this feeling of starting and stopping because of the melody. That's just me though. I really love Music for 18 Musicians and it could be that's what I'm wanting to hear but in all honesty this is a really well done and interesting piece.

Is it possible for you to repost the score as a pdf? my computer won't load a Sibelius file

Curses to me and my inability to read and hear music!!! Is there any possible way that you could post a rendering? I think we all know that it will never sound as good as real instruments but it would help the less-able (such as myself) get a clearer idea of what you are going for.

Thanks for the reply OMWBWAY! I have to say you bring up some very valid points. Lets see to answer your question on instrumentation it is glock, celesta, harp and organ. I have to agree that at this point it does tend to meander a lot. I would say that it's doing that a this point because a)I'm not anywhere near finished and b) I'm not sure what I'm doing with it so far. But it is something I need to pay strict attention to. I don't think it will be a true orchestral piece since the instrumentation is so sparse and unconventional but it certainly isn't something I intend to be a short two minute exercise either. I didn't think about it until you mentioned it but I suppose it could be used for a game. You bring up a serious point about not having a major melodic line flowing throughout the piece. It's something that worries me a lot. I'm afraid that if I do try and write a more definable melody it will ruin the mood I'm trying to create and it will be distracting. Also I'm worried that due to the instrumentation it might not be possible to write a strong melody without the watery vibe falling apart. The only real instrument that's would be capable of leaving to a melody would be the harp I think. Since I'm using the Organ as more of a harmonic backbone and the celesta and glock are more for color, but I feel that the harp is what is truly giving the piece the feel I'm looking for. I'll have to to do some major work on it, I think, to satisfy both of those issues. Oh and as to your request to the score I'll have to work on that. I use melody assistant for score writing and the POS program doesn't export to a PDF file (the PC version anyway) so I'm probably going to have to export it all as .bmp's then figure out a way to convert that into a pdf file. I will get that done as soon as I can for you. Thanks again for the reply OMWBWAY, it's much appreciated to get some input on this. You've given me a lot to think about and a LOT to work on to get this into tip-top shape!

Ok I got some more done on this piece. I did some editing and added another section. So far I really like where this is going. I'm trying to get an underwater feel to the whole thing (Yes Saint-Saens has been a bit of an inspiration) and I think over time I'm going to flesh it out more with more "fishy" themes as I go along. Any suggestions would be most appreciated, even if you think it sucks and needs a complete overhaul. Fish Tank 4.mp3

Very well written piece! I assume you enjoy writing in the classical/baroque style and it worked out well. A couple observations: The beginning melody you play sounds very familiar. I can't place where it is but what you have sounds like a variation of...something. Don't get me wrong, I love it and it sets the tone and pace for the whole composition, so therefore it works, but I couldn't help thinking I know that melody from somewhere else. The melody at 1:01 to about 1:09 is an excellent contrast to the rest of what you wrote. The syncopation really stands out for the best. If I could change anything is that I would try and work with this more during the development section of your piece it meanders a little bit (which is a common problem of all developments sections) as well as focus and perhaps extrapolate a little more on it during the close of the piece. Well that's my two cents.

Here's a little more for you all to listen too. Slowly but surley this piece is coming along. I would love to hear any and all suggestions and critiques! Fish Tank.mp3

I generally won't chuck anything significant but if I'm working on something and there's a part that I really don't think it fits I won't have a problem with deleting it. You have to know when to give something up.

Strange it didn't want to load the file. Here it is. Fish Tank.mp3

Ok I've added a little more to this. There's like a four second gap in the middle, I'm not sure exactly where I'm going to take it yet. I'm thinking about building up the rhythm more until it matches the complexity of what I first wrote. Since what I've done so far has a somewhat dreamy hypnotic feel to it and I think gradually increasing the level of rhythmic complexity would sound good.