Hi Mark many thanks for sharing. I loved your orchestration, sounded very accomplished and professional. The only thing I think it's lacking is a great melody, and for that you def need to give yourself more time and breathing space. You have amazing material that constantly leads towards this, but never arrives. I'm a believer in that all great melodies can be played with one finger (on a piano). So I think you need to concentrate now purely on your melody writing. Analyse famous melodies, can be any genre, even pop music, their construction, and try to understand what it is that makes them great, and memorable. Do several youself, and make them simple, but profound, and insist that you play them with only one finger. Then construct a big work around them, but these melodies must remain the focal point of the work at all times. If you managed to do this it would be epic, because the connecting material you have here is wonderful. Many thanks for sharing Mark, I mean to start my 2nd piano concerto soon, wish me luck!
All the best
Mike