serena221b

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on here! So I'm close to finishing my second vocal piece, and I'm having a little bit of writer's block in the accompaniment line for the bridge. I've got chords in the bass clef, but I can't seem to figure out what to put in the treble clef. If anyone could help me get over this slump, I'd really appreciate it. And as always, general constructive criticism is welcome. Update (December 10, 2019): I had a friend of mine help me out today, so at least there's actually some stuff in the accompaniment line for the bridge now. But it's far from complete, so I'm posting the updated version on here for critique.

Hi there! As Lotsy piano mentioned, the harmonics are absolutely gorgeous. I'm very much a newbie in the composing world (I've only performed one original piece in public), so I might not be of much help. But I will say that while I admire the minimalist feel to the piece, the static rhythm does get kind of boring after a while. My suggestion is try adding some eighth note arpeggios in the alto line somewhere in the middle of the piece and see how that works out. It might make the melody as a whole feel a lot smoother.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. I actually just got finished doing the premiere performance of this piece (I sang, and a friend of mine played piano). But I just want to say how much I appreciate your words. I've never really put my music out into the open like this until now. I have shared another one of my pieces with people on this site, but this is the first piece that I actually got to perform in front of an audience. To be honest, I was nervous out of my mind when I first showed this piece to my mentor. But he loved it, and we worked our butts off doing revisions. And to get such high praise as a result means so much to me. The link to the video of my performance is below: Still Here

@MonarcheonI just posted a new version that my mentor and I have extensively edited over the past month. The version you saw was honestly very outdated, and a lot of the suspensions that you mentioned have probably been fixed in the new version.

I figured it was time I tried my hand composing a piece for voice. To give you a little background information, this song is part of a potential musical that I'm working on. It doesn't have a title yet, but the story is about Brienna Holland, a 17 year old lesbian who leaves the conservative Christian community that she grew up in after being outed by her pastor in front of the entire congregation and later disowned by her mother. The worst part is that she has to leave her girlfriend, Lauren Blair, behind for her own safety. Brienna runs away and starts over in a new city, where she finds a friend who immediately accepts her for who she is and gives her a home. But Brienna learns the hard way that no matter how far she runs, it's only a matter of time before the demons of her past catch up with her. I plan for this song to take place near the end of the second act. Brienna has just found out via one of the only friends she had back home that Lauren was murdered in an alley by members of her old church. Over the course of this song, Brienna contemplates what she did to deserve so much pain in her life. Not wanting to endure that pain anymore, she runs into a building and climbs the stairs all the way up to the roof. But when Brienna tries to jump, she can't. Something is holding her back. And then, Brienna realizes that there was one person back home who she never got to face before she left. Brienna has been given a sign to go back to her hometown, if only to give that person a chance. The song ends with Brienna praying to God for the first time in nearly a year, asking him to do everything in his power to make sure that this doesn't go terribly wrong. Because if it does, Brienna won't hesitate to jump next time. Yeah, it's pretty heavy stuff. 😂 I'm basically posting this on here because I need some help with editing to make sure that there isn't anything weird or unplayable in the piano part. And if you have any ideas on how I can expand this piece, whether it be reworking the lyrics or the melody, I'm open to suggestions. I've attached a PDF as well as an MP3 of the music for your reference.

The audio is attached.

I do not have one on hand, but I can easily go to my composing software and generate an mp3. Just give me a few hours and I will put that on here.

This is the first time I've put up a composition for critique, so go easy on me. I'm also relatively new at composing (I started about two years ago). Anyways, I wrote this piece from late April to the middle of June. I was always thinking about one person the entire time I was writing it. That person was Dr. Jonathan Rodgers. I met him two years ago, which was the summer before my Sophomore year of high school. He was my choir director at the college music camp I was at. It was my first year, and I didn't know anyone. I was really nervous before the first rehearsal started. But then, Dr. Rodgers walked in, and he had my attention from minute one. I was so amazed by the way he always kept us on our toes but still managed to make it fun. All my nerves were gone in that moment. And after rehearsal, he came up to me, I formally introduced myself to him, and we just talked. I was even more amazed at how approachable he was. I got to be under his direction for two years of music camp as well as during the honor choir and a Christmas concert at the university. And I enjoyed every second of working with him. But in the middle of April, I found out that Dr. Rodgers would be leaving the university to go back into full time church work. When I went to music camp that year, it would be the last time I would get to work with him. I knew that I had to do something to thank him for how much he has changed my life. And then, this little melody popped into my head out of nowhere. I immediately got on my composing software and put it in. It just kept evolving as I went along, and I finally completed it in the middle of June. On the third to last day of music camp, I wrote a letter to go with my piece, and asked Dr. Rodgers' assistant director to give it to him (I would've done it myself, but I knew I wouldn't be able to do it without crying.). And after rehearsal the next day, Dr. Rodgers came up to me and asked if I wrote the piece, to which I said yes. He pulled me into a hug and told me that he nearly burst into tears when he saw it because no one had ever given him that kind of gift before. But that wasn't the best part. Both of us knew that the piece wasn't perfect, especially considering I barely have any piano experience. And since Dr. Rodgers was a very good pianist and composer, he offered to help me revise it. I accepted his offer, we exchanged our contact info, and we Skype about once every other week to revise it. But he also referred me to this forum for additional critique. I have attached the most recent version of the piece to this post. Hope you like it!