Paginani

To start with the good, I really like the end, from about 3:14 onwards, the buildup is quite exiting, drums would help, especially if they also only come in after a bit (I know this has been discussed), but even without drums it's cool. So that is almost 2 of the 5 mins that I really do like. As for the rest, it's pretty boring. The first bit could work if it was background music to a suspenseful scene in a film, but standing alone it just goes on for too long to really count as buildup. Also, the changes between the sections are somewhat rough, which I like at 3:14 (although I don't like what precedes it), but in some places it's just not effective. The fadeout is OK, but you have such a good buildup that a climactic ending would be very effective. What would I do? Condense everything before 3:14 into a more melodic version of itself, and shorten it a bit. Hope that helps.

Well, seeing as no-one has done anything... I propose this as a plot and give till saturday( my time) for anyone to give complaints, suggest changes etc.(which you should, as I just took the plot so far and edited minutely) After that, we should assign parts for script-writing. Plot: Scene 1 - Main Character, (let's call him billybob for now, so that we HAVE to come up with a new name when the time comes), wakes up and does his morning routine in what he things is a beautiful mansion which he bought on the outskirts of town. (We later found out that it was an abandoned wreck that he just sort of meandered into.) He has all kinds of imaginary (once drawn) servants and guests and everything. Perhaps he asks one of his maids to clean something up downstairs, but is dismayed to find, once he gets down there, that it is still a mess. (this is obviously because she doesn't exist.) Throughout the scenes, things don't quite add up. Scene 2: He enters the town, where people avoid going near him. People talk (well, tehy sing) about him behind his back. Everyone spreads whatever the latest rumor is that they've heard about him. He makes his way to his love's house (we'll call her mary-sue) to give her flowers, but one of her brothers answers and tells him to go away. He sneaks around the back of the house and gets her attention at the window, but she is equally disgusted. After all, mary-sue's family is one of the finest and most genetically pure in town. Her father is on the eugenics board, etc. ( at this moment it should be introduced that they are celebrating the fact that mary-sue's sister is pregnant. Scene 3: mary-sue's father gets to work at the eugenics counsel. In the course of a meeting, the subject of what to do with billybob comes up. (note: they will NOT sing "what do you do with a problem like billybob - how do you catch a cloud and pin it down?") The trouble is, the plot of land where he lives does not fall under their jurisdiction. In order to arrest him, they are going to have to catch him doing something dangerous or illegal. Scene 4: Billybob is back at his "mansion" with mary-sue, but we soon find out that mary-sue is just the drawing-version of mary-sue. Billybob is ecstatic, but we start to see how mary-sue is artificially infatuated with him, and how this isn't really going to work. At the end of the scene, well, let's say this is when we find out she's just a painting. He leaves the house, and says "you can't come with me, you have to stay here with the other paintings." or something. Scene 5: Something happens that makes mary-sue warm up to billybob Let's say that's the end of Act I Act II then - Scene 1 - Now that billybob is out of his mansion, mary-sue's two brothers go sneaking around his property, remarking "what a dump" - and they sing about how he thinks it's a mansion but really it's just an abandoned property that he occupied. They go inside and search for contraband, finding only paint splattered everywhere and maybe some rancid food and a bunch of large rats or something. There are paintings of mary-sue EVERYWHERE. But they don't find anything of any use to their father, so they leave and are glad to get out of there. Scene 2: Back in town, there is a romantic scene (which I refuse to write) where mary-sue and billybob really start connecting. In this scene, they discuss how mary-sue's sister's baby ougt to be a prodigy(because of the family's superior genes) Scene 3: Once mary-sue gets home, her father asks her brothers what happened. Then the three of them start pressuring mary-sue to help them arrest billybob. Meanwhile, back at the "mansion," billybob starts getting tired of fake mary-sue and they get in a fight. By the end of the fight, she threatens to "kill the hoe" who is detracting billybob's attention. That night, when fake mary-sue is asleep, he sneaks out to meet the real mary-sue. Scene 4: this is the meeting where he scares her by telling her that a fake version of herself is going to kill her. After he leaves, she decides she will have to turn him in. Scene 5: (billybob doesn't exist anymore, and his house has been demolished.) Mary-sue's sister gives birth, but the baby is declared mentally defective, thus the tragic ending . mary-sue takes the baby(it reminds her of billybob, and she feels guilty about causing his death), saving it from "extermination". She flees and vows to raise the child.

Nice work, I like your use of the piano. The piece busy(in the sense of many voices doing many things), but the relaxed but steady tempo keeps it cool. Bit short though.

Overture, maybe, orchestrations? I would personally like to orchestrate my own stuff. Dan, you can take position as Supreme Lord, I mean president, seeing as you started this. First, we need a Plot, choose one, and then give everyone a chance to object/suggest changes. Would you set up a list of participants, so we can keep track of who is part of this?

Well, if no-one has started this by friday, I will take the lead. Good?

I think the sister should be the pregnant one, but as CDR said, it should be introduced way earlier, like at the first time we meet mary-sue, as in: {sister of mary sue:} Mama, papa: I bear your first grandchild! =Definitely not in these words= {chorus:} Oh, what wonderful news! --Assorted singing and dancing--- {mary-sue:}--some aria that introduces her to us as a part of the "perfect family" As for the family being sent into exile... a bit bizarre... and not in a good way. A better solution IMHO whould be: -billybob dies -baby is born -baby is found to be defective, rejected by mother -baby is planned to be terminated -mary sue recognises that the baby is a bit like billybob, and feels guilty for causing his death -takes baby and runs away from her family, vowing to raise it. BTW, hi, sounds very interesting so far, would definitely like to participate. Dave: From my experience, just talking about it is futile, if you want to get it started, kick it out of the nest(eg. choose a plot and give everyone two days to object, do this until plot is found, then assign parts to be written by people, etc.)

Thank you very much. No.1 is actually the way my thoughts seem to work, but I understand that frequent changes do sometimes sound a bit... stange. I think I will leave this as it is for now, but I will keep the fleuncy thing in mind for my next piece.:D Thank you. I wrote this piece to suite my skill level, as I have only taken up piano as a second instrument recently. :thumbsup:

This first started out as a little melancholic theme over(actually under) arpeggios, which wrote and then left alone for about three weeks, and then completed as a collection of my thoughts during that time. It deals mostly with hope and friendship(not always in a good way). I hope you enjoy it.:D Thoughts.pdf Thoughts.mid

Hallo again, it's been a while since I have had a look at any of your pieces, but I'm glad I had a look at this one, it's good! I like the concept, an over the top sci-fi story, and your music fits it well. I can swear the ending is almost a direct quotation of your, I think, Hansenberg Concertos(?) I would have liked a dark ending too(admittedly, I'm not American), but then again, it must be remembered that this is only a part of the whole, and finality is not needed yet. :thumbsup:

On a technical note, the keychange in bar 13(2nd bar of page two) does not work, it would sound better if you removed the seemingly random flat, and sharped all the C's and F's. Bar 12 needs work. Other than that it a peaceful little piece, it almost sounds like someone practicing scales and arrpegios. :thumbsup:

Mhh, not bad, though it would be nice if you moved out of the pentatonics a bit. And as said before, I don't think the trill works. Is the name: 'Isn't evil-eyed cow.'? :thumbsup:

1. I liked the mood of the first piece, but I just feel that you might have used to many repeats, I especially feel your first repeat is unneccisary. The running uctaves between the LH and RH just... don't fit. But very nice piece otherwise! 2. The second one gets a bit boring at places, but very nice ending! I didn't like the harmonisation of the slow section much, but the melody is good. Keep up the good work!

I feel the piece is uncharactaristic to this kind of ensamble, and you will not get the effect you are going for. This might work better as a piece for two piano's.

Would you mind posting a .pdf? It would make reviewing your piece much easier.

I enjoyed most of your piece, and I like the ideas you have, but I feel that the middle section gets a bit boring, and the piece only really regains energy close to the end. Some variation in melody and/or tempo would greatly improve the middle section. Good work