DrPangloss

Wow, lots of interest. As I mentioned, the score I may be writing in the near future will be heavily influenced by Celtic/Scottish music, and that's why bagpipes will be a necessary part of the instrumentation. AntiA, when you talk to your friend, if you could possibly post here even a page or two of bagpipe music as a sample, that would be incredibly helpful!

I've been away for a while, but I thought of this forum, because I may have to write a score in the near future that will be heavily influenced by Celtic bagpipe music, and I have no idea how to play or notate for bagpipes. If anyone has any expertise in this area or knows of any good websites, books, resources to listen to/read bagpipe music, I'd be very appreciative. I told my collaborator the project would have to wait while I learn more, and I want to dive right in. Thanks so much!

The lyric felt waltzy to me. Can we have a few more details about this? Who wrote the original lyrics? Who wrote this English translation? Who wrote the music? I'm not certain what exactly is up for critique and discussion here, though I like the lyric.

I like those, though I am one for perfect rhymes. I suppose it's the challenge and subsequent satisfaction, but I rarely use imperfect rhymes. I'm gonna keep thinking about it, and maybe there are some ideas in there that will help. I like the idea of the lies, because it's a more specific hint as to what could be going wrong with the relationship. Thanks so much!

Specifics are welcome, though I'd like more of an idea of how you feel these could possibly be improved. I just find those particular lyrics clunky and cheesy. Anything is welcome at this point, as long as you understand all changes are at my discretion. (That sounds condescending to say, but after everything else that's happened, I feel I have to take the precaution and say that.)

I love it, I just want a final verse. I feel like your verses talk about the way things are "now" and your choruses promise hope. Your bridge offers a picture of what "tomorrow" will look like. The only thing I feel is missing is an idea of what "we" will need in order to make it to tomorrow. Something about holding on, something about trusting, something about staying strong through the storm. I really love the structure of it, and I especially love the repetition at the end of every verse (partly why I want one more verse). I don't have many criticisms (except perhaps that "way" and "away" aren't really rhymes, they're identities and you're basically rhyming "way" with itself), but the chorus actually seems rather weak lyrically. You have the hook of "after the storm" but other than that it seems to meander. However, I don't think it's a bad lyric by any stretch of the imagination. It's something that could definitely be strengthened by the music. I look forward to hearing the music. The lyric reminds me of this song: YouTube - The Skin of Our Teeth Good work!

I like it. The sentiment is kind of cool and the structure is REALLY cool. However, I wish you'd really follow through on the structure that you set. First off, I love how the only rhyme in the song is the second line of each verse, but I think you have the opportunity to make that really mean something. The other thing is that you don't follow through with the rhyme. "Life" and "lie" (the second two of the four rhymes) don't actually follow the rhyme you set up (with "twice" and "price"). It will be far more satisfying if the rhymes actually rhyme. Also, scansion, scansion, scansion. How are you going to fit "I see truth in those green eyes" and "My face is reflected in those green eyes" to the same melody? I adore the repetition of the "green eyes," but the lines simply don't match up syllabically. This seems to be a problem throughout the song. There's little value put on scansion* and how the verses work together on a purely structural level. I also question the last verse, "in your loving arms I lie." When did that happen? Either we need a bridge that says she gets the guy or a bridge that says she's content with dreaming of having the guy, but either way, the line doesn't make sense with the rest of the song. I also wish there were a way to use the closing line from the other verses (leading up to "the life I have") as your final line, but make it somehow different from the other verses. I do this in one of my songs (posted here) using the same words, but meaning different things. The singer needs to leave a relation and can't bring himself to saying, "I want to walk away from you, but my heart..." until the final line where he sings, "All of me knows it's true, but my heart." I think you have the potential to do something like that here. But first and foremost, clear up the structural issues. Fix the scansion, find rhymes that actually rhyme, make it a really tight composition, and I promise you the song will be more satisfying for it. You've got the emotion and you've found a hook for it, not just take the work the final mile. *In case you don't know, I'll put it here. Scansion refers to how a lyric fits with the music, or how it scans. If two lines are supposed to fit one line of music, but one has 7 syllables and the other has 10, that's bad scansion, because one of those lines won't fit the music.

I almost want to ask for a translation, because I don't speak Spanish... but I'm afraid it might lose something. I fear I can't be of too much help here!

I was asking for input. Feedback and input on the lyrics as written is different from writing music to my song without permission, especially after I had explicitly stated to someone else that I was not granting that permission, as I'd already written the music.

A song is a collaboration, a marriage of words and music. I doubt there are many lyricists who stick their work out on the internet so that anyone can come along and write music for it. If you'd like, look into books of poetry (your safest bet is with poets who are dead whose poems are in the public domain... try Shakespeare's sonnets, for example). The point is, you were not "just doing what composers like to do." You were treading on someone else's property. It was not up to you to write music for the lyric, and you didn't ask permission. You say you didn't add anything, but music is a crucial element to a song and that's what you added. Using someone else's lyric as a dummy lyric to get your own song started is one thing, but the next step from there is to actually make it your own. Take your new melody and create a new lyric around it. This same thing just happened with one my lyrics in another thread, and there I had specifically denied someone permission to write music for me. I know this was not the intent, but it shows a lack of respect, whether you meant it that way or not.

Part of me almost wants to hear what you've composed, but as you can see, I've already denied someone else permission to write music to the song AND I posted the music that I've been writing. I mentioned this in another thread and it's mentioned in the guidelines for this section: despite the intent, which I'm sure was nothing but earnest, adding music to someone else's lyrics (or vice versa) without permission is rude. The property is not yours to tamper with. Especially as right here on this thread someone else has already asked permission, which I denied. Especially as one post prior I attached a PDF of the music I've already composed for the lyric. While part of me is curious, most of me is rather upset that you disregarded my earlier refusal for a collaborator on this particular song.

Just got back from Louisiana, saw this and wanted to reply quicky before I conk off to bed. It is indeed in theatre style (all my music is, what can I say?) but it's a cabaret song. There is no context, no character, no story. It's not from a show or anything, just exists on its own. I'll get to more specifics later.

I can't be silent about this. I understand the intent was to help, but Will, it's rude to write music to someone's lyric without their permission. If your music is brilliant and the lyricist loves it, then no-harm-no-foul. But chances are, the fact that they posted here means the lyric is not finished and they might not be ready to move forward with it. They might want to work hand-in-hand with a collaborator, or they might already be writing music themselves. To add a crucial element like that without permission is really crossing a boundary. In one of my posts, someone asked permission, and I denied them permission because I was already working on the music. No matter how talented you are, there are standards and there is etiquette. Other things need to be taken into consideration, and all you're doing is creating potential for a really sticky ownership issue. I'm sorry for the harshness of my language, but I know how I would feel if someone did that to my work without permission. The lyric is the sole property of the creator and is not to be tampered with by others. This is a forum for discussion. Any changes or additions are ultimately up to the discretion of the creator.

Here's a PDF with the music for the song. As I mentioned, the music was already well along when I posted the lyrics, so the structure of the song has not changed. It would be really helpful if I could get some lyric critique within the working structure of the song, and to get solid critique on the structure of the song if the structure isn't working. Thank you. But My Heart.pdf

From a purely structural point, it seems to me that your verses are more like choruses and your post-choruses are more like verses. If you were to take your "verse" and "chorus" and put them together as one, that would make a very strong chorus. A post- or pre-chorus shouldn't really be as long as yours is, but since yours changes lyric every time and is so long, it basically fulfills the structure of a verse. I'd take a look at your structure and think hard on why you labeled things are you did, and consider reorganizing the labels (even if not reorganizing their positions in the song). Also, to the rhyme scheme... I, personally, will get very bored very fast with a steady, predictable rhyme scheme like this. It's entirely possible for music to make up for this, but variation in the rhyme scheme is one thing that can lead to variation in the music. Every line, whether verse, chorus or otherwise, has the same meter and the same rhyme scheme. Variety in both the rhyme scheme and the meter will help along the way with keeping the music interesting. In a very basic sense, sometimes if a verse has very long lines, it's good to clip the lines short or use one-syllable words, that kind of thing, when you get to the chorus. Or vice-versa. Give some indication to the ear of what's the chorus and what's the verse, and why they're different. After that, I'd love to know what style this song is and if there are any musical, melodic or harmonic, ideas you're already playing with before I go deeper.