Ok, I found the rhythms to be actually quite amusing, but I don't think it flowed very well. Because this piece was heavily atonal, I would suggest that you use the C major key signature instead of C sharp. If you were trying to imitate contemporary composers such as Schoenberg and Xenakis, you did a good job...but unfortunately I'm not fond of that kind of music XD Anyway, I know it's your first work and you may think it sounds bad, but keep going. When I started composing, my first pieces of music weren't the best... Don't be too hard on yourself.