Very dark but I like yet. Yo maybe you could do two things, but it's only my idea. One is to cut out 'warming' in connection to the sun - adjectives to describe stuff can sometimes be awkward in songs.
The other thing is that you could let your imagination run wilder - I like 'thoughts continue to die', you need a little more unusual word pictures like that, just to make the words jump out and be memorable. Refer to people, the street, animals, whatever takes your fancy but give us more images, they are great.
thanks for sharing
Jai