Hello,
So, yeah! Nice, you did try some things out :)
Hmm...The intro is nice, the first drum roll is a great intro to your verse...but...you use the same drum roll to introduce each new thing and it becomes annoying. Try some variety, like 2 instrumenta who respond to each other.
The sound of your bass could be more boomy and less high in my opinion.
And you tried a breakdown, sweet!:) It's a nice first attempt, but, take that in a constructive way, you will need a little bit of musical theory studying to put a nice breakdown. Learn your scale major and minor.
http://www.lalecondepiano.com/astuces/liste-acc-test76.htm
Choose ''gamme majeur'' and on the left you can choose the note of the scale
Try to play some chords between those notes, and do the same thing with the ''Gamme mineur''
I wish you good luck, there's potential in your music, you just need practice.
Dom