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Posted
Some how, it's comforting to know that.

Actually, it's the interesting creative artistic types that tend to get the least interesting as they get older. Well, they're still interesting... but they don't make for good girlfriends. They're the ones who get clingy and can't stand a second without you. (I.e., say goodbye to ever having time to compose again.)

They also tend to be, hm, borderline insane? I'm sure most of you have or will brush with insanity a bit... it just works better in a relationship if one of you is stable during that time.

[but yeah, coming back to your dorm room and finding her passed out drunk after having drawn on her sketchpad a picture of you decapitated and gushing blood isn't exactly a good sign. (Yes, it happened to me. And yes, it was an amazingly good drawing.)]

But, surprisingly, out of those 9/10ths of the girls that say "like" every other word when 13-18, a couple of them actually end up being mature well-rounded intelligent people in and after college. Girls, more so than guys, imitate others to fit in. Social pressure is just more potent for them than for us.

So, inside, they might actually be intelligent ambitious human beings... and they ultimately learn from trial and error that living someone else's life isn't really what they want.

Of course, it usually takes a year or so of partying, bad grades, and a series of *sshole boyfriends, but several do end up "finding themselves" in the end.

Those are the ones you want to meet. The ones that know there's more to life than myspace and facebook and the party down the hall. The ones that actually have their own taste in everything. The ones that are independent and self-reliant. The ones that can be happy without you, but happier with you.

Just to, I dunno, give some of you hope. ;)

Posted
I find those are rare.

Yeah, they are.

Roughly 1-2% of the original 9/10ths.

That's what? 1 in every 200 girls? Even that might be too high.

But I've known 8 or 9 of them, and dated at least 3. They do exist.

Y'know what the weirdest part was?... the whole "Wanna come over so I can play piano for you?" thing actually worked.

(Although, I do have to give Chopin and Rachmanninov some of the credit...)

Posted
Actually, it's the interesting creative artistic types that tend to get the least interesting as they get older. Well, they're still interesting... but they don't make for good girlfriends. They're the ones who get clingy and can't stand a second without you. (I.e., say goodbye to ever having time to compose again.)

So what you are saying is that the girls who are artistic and interesting in their younger years become clingy, insane people?

They also tend to be, hm, borderline insane? I'm sure most of you have or will brush with insanity a bit... it just works better in a relationship if one of you is stable during that time.

When you say 'most of you' are you referring to musicians? And are you saying that the only insane people in the world are male musicians? Of course it's great to have one of you stable, but honestly: everyone gets "insane" at some point in their lives. Especially menstruating women!

[but yeah, coming back to your dorm room and finding her passed out drunk after having drawn on her sketchpad a picture of you decapitated and gushing blood isn't exactly a good sign. (Yes, it happened to me. And yes, it was an amazingly good drawing.)]

How do you know it was you? :laugh: And this happens like, all the time with those "artistic types," right? :(

But, surprisingly, out of those 9/10ths of the girls that say "like" every other word when 13-18, a couple of them actually end up being mature well-rounded intelligent people in and after college. Girls, more so than guys, imitate others to fit in. Social pressure is just more potent for them than for us.

Most of them end up becoming mature, well-rounded people. We all imitate to fit in. That's how we learn. (I am using 'we' as a pronoun for 'humans' not 'males.') Males imitate each other just as much as females. If I had any proof, I would say that males imitate each other more than females. Males imitate each other during and after their time in colelge and school. Why do you think males, for the most part, are so similar to each other? You are usually more likely to find two men who share something in common than two women. Social pressure is just as potent to males. Just because it takes males about 20 years to learn how to shower and comb their hair in the morning doesn't mean that social pressure isn't as potent to them.

So, inside, they might actually be intelligent ambitious human beings... and they ultimately learn from trial and error that living someone else's life isn't really what they want.

When did anyone learn this? Last time I checked, everyone in the world wanted to be someone else and was still entirely convinced that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I still find myself wishing I were someone else! Or that I could hop over the fence. Now this isn't saying much since I'm only 15, but human nature is to be jealous and want someone else's life.

Of course, it usually takes a year or so of partying, bad grades, and a series of *sshole boyfriends, but several do end up "finding themselves" in the end.

Several? Go into the street, find 10 old ladies, and tell me which one of them didn't end up finding herself.

Those are the ones you want to meet. The ones that know there's more to life than myspace and facebook and the party down the hall. The ones that actually have their own taste in everything. The ones that are independent and self-reliant. The ones that can be happy without you, but happier with you.

So since these girls go on facebook and myspace and to the occasional party means that they don't have "taste in everything." Girls are still people, and everyone has personal preference, no matter how dull they are. Most people end up becoming self-reliant. At least enough to live on their own and get through life. I don't think anyone can be truely happy being without someone. I think your last statement would be better said: "The ones that are happy being with you, but don't have to be with you constantly and still have a social group that is seperate from you."

You know, if you wrote anything like what you said on any type of information source, whatever you wrote would be removed on the grounds of not being credible. :laugh: And you base your experience on the female gender on the 10 or so semi-serious girlfriends that you have managed to come across in you life? :thumbsup: Nice talking with you.

Posted

I wrote a nice long elaborate reply, but my web browser crashed on me.

That's what I get for trying to use Safari on Windows. Apple software is for Apples... Microsoft software is for Windows...

One of these days I'll get that straight.

Posted

Ok, this forum is buggy.

Or something.

Because posts just seem to disappear. I've lost two replies here already.

The first one was a real reply. The 2nd was a reply, stating that the first reply failed.

And now this one? that both 1 and 2 failed.

Posted
Y'know what the weirdest part was?... the whole "Wanna come over so I can play piano for you?" thing actually worked.

(Although, I do have to give Chopin and Rachmanninov some of the credit...)

In those cases, I have to give credit to no one but her and me. ^^

Posted
You know, if you wrote anything like what you said on any type of information source, whatever you wrote would be removed on the grounds of not being credible. :) And you base your experience on the female gender on the 10 or so semi-serious girlfriends that you have managed to come across in you life? :P Nice talking with you.

Heh, I wasn't exactly expecting such a personal... attack.

Nah, really all I was saying is that a) of the girls that you discount now as not being "interesting and creative"... some of them will surprise you later on, and b) that there's no point in being discouraged.

Just, I elaborated with my observed insight and a few [extreme] personal examples.

I didn't expect to be taken so literally... but I mean, I can elaborate and explain everything that you... questioned/denied/whatever. If you want. And I can be far more literal in what I say.

Nice talking to you too :P

Posted
Heh, I wasn't exactly expecting such a personal... attack.

O please, that was not an attack.

Nah, really all I was saying is that a) of the girls that you discount now as not being "interesting and creative"... some of them will surprise you later on, and b) that there's no point in being discouraged.

And this proves to me that you missed my point. I was saying that pretty much all of the girls grow up and become regular, interesting people.

I didn't expect to be taken so literally... but I mean, I can elaborate and explain everything that you... questioned/denied/whatever. If you want. And I can be far more literal in what I say.

So should I go back and read that all and assume you are speaking metaphorically? And didn't you just say that everything you said was an elaboration? I'd love to see you elaborate if anything you say has any credibility whatsoever.

Nice talking to you too :)

:P

Posted

Ok, I hate the bait you left... but still, I can't resist.

Women do imitate each other to "fit in" more than men. It's been studied and demonstrated many times in social psychology research (specifically that dealing with group dynamics)... unfortunately, most all of the relevant theses and studies online seem to be.. well.. not free.

The general gist of the studies is that women (in social isolation) tend to have a lower self-concept than men, and that membership in a social group raise one's self-concept (for both genders). Additionally, membership and influence in a social group is predominately determined by how far one deviates from the norms of the group.

If you put it all together, it basically states that "women tend to imitate each other more than men do", and the reason is predominantly because the "need to fit in" is higher.

Women are also more "vicious" than men (which I kind of believed... but not really... until I read the studies.) Men tend to be more physically violent however.

As for the other comment, with regard to the "artistic interesting types" becoming clingy and "insane"... and also that "most of you" have or probably will brush with insanity...

First of all, "most of you" was targeted to the people who frequent these forums... predominantly highly creative composers and musicians, who have a lot of talent.

And that's a good thing... but there is a very real relationship between that and various mood/personality disorders. To quote:

"What do creativity and madness have in common? Observations from psychiatric studies suggest that there are three characteristics common to both high creative production and madness. These are disturbance of mood, certain types of thinking processes, and tolerance for irrationality.

Disturbance of mood appears to be present in a high percentage of talented visual artists (Andreasen, 1988; Jamison,1989; 1993; Richards, 1981). Mental disorders in which the primary feature is a mood disturbance include major depression, dysthymia and bipolar disorder (also popularly known as manic-depressive illness).

There seems to be a greatly increased rate of depression, manic-depressive illness, and suicide in eminent creative people, writers and artists especially.

The incidence of mental illness among creative artists is higher than in the population at large. Some studies link creativity with bipolar disorders specifically (Andreasen, 1988; Jamison, 1989; Richards; 1989), and within the field of academic psychiatry, there has recently been serious acceptance of the association between creativity and the mood disturbance, hypomania (Jamison, 1993)."

"Perhaps the most interesting finding from clinical studies is that there are similarities in the thought processes of manic, psychotic, and highly creative people (Prentky, 1980; Rothenberg, 1990; Rothenberg & Burkhardt, 1984)."

(link: Creativity, the Arts, and Madness)

Now, outside of the clinical research, and purely from anecdotal observation, I've noticed that tends to be true. I may not be the best judge of "talented" artists (in whatever art field, music counts)... but I think I'm decent.

And of the people who have been "good", by my opinion, the majority of them have demonstrated significant amounts of clingy and irrational/"insane" behavior. Unjustified jealousy also seems to be present. That goes for both males and females.

So... a) I studied this stuff in college, b) I've observed it among friends and peers, c) I have references.

Still don't believe me?

Posted
How many girlfriends have you had?:P

Referring to me? Or not?

But plenty. And several girl friends. And a few very serious relationships.

I'm single at the moment though...

Posted

What a surprise. :P

And I'm not ignoring the post you typed above that one. I just need to disect it and try to understand what you were trying to say through your incredibly crude use of gammar.

P.S.

There is a handy italics button at the top of the reply box. Or you can just press the 'ctrl' key and holding it down, then pressing the 'I' key.

Posted
What a surprise. :P

And I'm not ignoring the post you typed above that one. I just need to disect it and try to understand what you were trying to say through your incredibly crude use of gammar.

P.S.

There is a handy italics button at the top of the reply box. Or you can just press the 'ctrl' key and holding it down, then pressing the 'I' key.

Thanks for the tip. I'm not used to working with a system that allows more than just ascii formatting.

And just so you know, grammar is spelled with an 'r' after the 'g'. And dissect has two 's's.

Posted
What a surprise. :P

And I'm not ignoring the post you typed above that one. I just need to disect it and try to understand what you were trying to say through your incredibly crude use of gammar.

P.S.

There is a handy italics button at the top of the reply box. Or you can just press the 'ctrl' key and holding it down, then pressing the 'I' key.

Where is my grammar "crude" anyway?

Posted
Ok, I hate the bait you left... but still, I can't resist.

Women _do_ imitate each other to "fit in" more than men. It's been studied and demonstrated many times in social psychology research (specifically that dealing with group dynamics)... unfortunately, most all of the relevant theses and studies online seem to be.. well.. not free.

And...oh my goodness, there are studies that argue these studies!

The general gist of the studies is that women (in social isolation) tend to have a lower self-concept than men, and that membership in a social group raise one's self-concept (for both genders). Additionally, membership and influence in a social group is predominately determined by how far one deviates from the norms of the group.

If you put it all together, it basically states that "women tend to imitate each other more than men do", and the reason is predominantly because the "need to fit in" is higher.

But why is the reason to fit in higher? Honestly, and I am going to say this again, from my personal experience, males seem to want to fit in more. They are least likely to deviate from social norms, even into adulthood. Males are extremely concerened with how they look to others. Males have to constantly remind everyone around them that they are straight. Why is this? Because they need to fit in. Why do most males walk the same? They need to fit in. Why do most males talk the same? They need to fit in. Why do most males try to make their voices sound deeper than they really are? They want to fit in. I could go on and on, and also with females. Both sexes need to fit in just as much as the other, but they need to fit in in different ways.

Women are also more "vicious" than men (which I kind of believed... but not really... until I read the studies.) Men tend to be more physically violent however.

This is entriely true but completely irrelevant.

As for the other comment, with regard to the "artistic interesting types" becoming clingy and "insane"... and also that "most of you" have or probably will brush with insanity...

First of all, "most of you" was targeted to the people who frequent these forums... predominantly highly creative composers and musicians, who have a lot of talent.

And that's a good thing... but there is a very _real_ relationship between that and various mood/personality disorders. To quote:

"What do creativity and madness have in common? Observations from psychiatric studies suggest that there are three characteristics common to both high creative production and madness. These are disturbance of mood, certain types of thinking processes, and tolerance for irrationality.

Disturbance of mood appears to be present in a high percentage of talented visual artists (Andreasen, 1988; Jamison,1989; 1993; Richards, 1981). Mental disorders in which the primary feature is a mood disturbance include major depression, dysthymia and bipolar disorder (also popularly known as manic-depressive illness).

There seems to be a greatly increased rate of depression, manic-depressive illness, and suicide in eminent creative people, writers and artists especially.

The incidence of mental illness among creative artists is higher than in the population at large. Some studies link creativity with bipolar disorders specifically (Andreasen, 1988; Jamison, 1989; Richards; 1989), and within the field of academic psychiatry, there has recently been serious acceptance of the association between creativity and the mood disturbance, hypomania (Jamison, 1993)."

"Perhaps the most interesting finding from clinical studies is that there are similarities in the thought processes of manic, psychotic, and highly creative people (Prentky, 1980; Rothenberg, 1990; Rothenberg & Burkhardt, 1984)."

(link: Creativity, the Arts, and Madness)

Now, outside of the clinical research, and purely from anecdotal observation, I've noticed that tends to be true. I may not be the best judge of "talented" artists (in whatever art field, music counts)... but I think I'm decent.

And of the people who have been "good", by my opinion, the majority of them have demonstrated significant amounts of clingy and irrational/"insane" behavior. Unjustified jealousy also seems to be present. That goes for both males and females.

Yes, mood disorders are common in people involved in the arts, but they are also common in people. Just regular people. I think everyone has some sort of personality quirk, whether or not it's an illness or disorder. So since you are keen to say that the female artistic types are more clingy and insane, and also keen to say that most talented musicians are more clingy and insane, and you are saying most of us are talented musicians, then why are you warning us of the clingy and insane girls when we too are insane and clingy?

So... a) I studied this stuff in college, b) I've observed it among friends and peers, c) I have references.

a) I've taken classes in both Psychology and Social Work.

b) My mother has two degrees in Social Work and Psychology

c) My father has a degree in Social Work

d) They both agree that females and males have the same need to fit in, but in different ways.

e) I have also observed the behaviors of friends and peers, as well as adults, teachers, mentors, family members, and anyone else who happens to walk into my life.

f) I'm sure I have references too, but we have so many books on the subject and they aren't light reading at all.

Still don't believe me?

I'm never going to believe you because it's no matter of belief at all. It's all opinion. Society is constantly changing, so people tend to change with it. You can't analyze people like you can analyze math or English. It takes a much different approach. More of an understanding approach. People are going to have theories about human behavior and are going to try and prove them. You can quote texts and studies all you want, but the fact is, deep down we are all the same. All of us are trying to fit in and make it in this world, and are going to have our insane moments, and our clingy moments. We're humans, and just because culture is telling us its not ok to be different, we don't really need to be different. Most of our motives are the same. We all want to be cared for, understood, respected, validated, reassured, trusted, accepted, appreciated, admired, approved of, and encouraged.

Posted
Thanks for the tip. I'm not used to working with a system that allows more than just ascii formatting.

No problem. Are you using a system that enables you to see the font options above the reply box?

And just so you know, grammar is spelled with an 'r' after the 'g'. And dissect has two 's's.

Ever heard of a typo? :w00t:

Where is my grammar "crude" anyway?

"...most all of the relevant theses ..."

"...membership and influence in a social group is predominately..."

and just the way you phrased some things were kind of hard to understand. Like you were trying to sound inteeligent and didn't execute it all that well.

Posted
And...oh my goodness, there are studies that argue these studies!

Yes; there are. But seeing as you appear to place little to no value in any study, regardless of what it says, then it's kind of a pointless statement on your part.

But why is the reason to fit in higher?

I just told you, because the need to raise one's self-concept is higher with females.

Honestly, and I am going to say this again, from my personal experience, males seem to want to fit in more. They are least likely to deviate from social norms, even into adulthood. Males are extremely concerened with how they look to others. Males have to constantly remind everyone around them that they are straight. Why is this? Because they need to fit in. Why do most males walk the same? They need to fit in. Why do most males talk the same? They need to fit in. Why do most males try to make their voices sound deeper than they really are? They want to fit in. I could go on and on, and also with females. Both sexes need to fit in just as much as the other, but they need to fit in in different ways.

I don't deny that both sexes have a need to fit in. What I was saying, and specifically in the original context I meant it, that men tend to follow a more independent self-directed path through life than women, especially when it comes to relationships.

This is entriely true but completely irrelevant.

Are you sure? I didn't think you gave any value to any studies. (And yes, it was irrelevant, but an interesting sidenote somewhat related to the subject, so I included it.)

Yes, mood disorders are common in people involved in the arts, but they are also common in people. Just regular people. I think everyone has some sort of personality quirk, whether or not it's an illness or disorder. So since you are keen to say that the female artistic types are more clingy and insane, and also keen to say that most talented musicians are more clingy and insane, and you are saying most of us are talented musicians, then why are you warning us of the clingy and insane girls when we too are insane and clingy?

If you read what I originally posted in the first post, I was saying that it's a lot easier to go through a relationship where one of you is relatively "stable" if the other is in a more "insane" state of being.

A relationship is healther if she's stable if and when you're clingy and insane, than if she's not. Seeing that there's a higher likelihood of a talented musician becoming unstable, than of the average corporate middle-management type, the warning was to minimize the risk of you both being clingy and insane at the same time.

a) I've taken classes in both Psychology and Social Work.

b) My mother has two degrees in Social Work and Psychology

c) My father has a degree in Social Work

d) They both agree that females and males have the same need to fit in, but in different ways.

e) I have also observed the behaviors of friends and peers, as well as adults, teachers, mentors, family members, and anyone else who happens to walk into my life.

f) I'm sure I have references too, but we have so many books on the subject and they aren't light reading at all.

Yes, and I studied under one of the founding members of the branch of psychology that is now known as Social Psychology.

However, exchanging credentials gets us nowhere.

All of us are trying to fit in and make it in this world, and are going to have our insane moments, and our clingy moments. We're humans, and just because culture is telling us its not ok to be different, we don't really need to be different. Most of our motives are the same. We all want to be cared for, understood, respected, validated, reassured, trusted, accepted, appreciated, admired, approved of, and encouraged.

I don't dispute any of that.

However, what I do want to point out is that variations in a data set can be measured and quantified, and incidentally used in the decision making process. Just because everyone is "clingy" at some point of time in their life, doesn't mean that everyone is "clingy" in the same frequency, or to the same level of intensity. Those variations can be measured and quantified.

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