OCD: Obsessive Composing Disorder? Worrying..

Hey guys,

Will make this nice and quick since I won't bore you with the details unless you ask specifically, heh.

Does anyone here suffer from OCD in a way that affects their compositional ability? I find my compositions restricted immensely by this fact, to a point where it discourages me from composing whatsoever.. not good considering I just started my Bachelor's degree in music composition!

A few quick examples for your interest will come tomorrow seeing as I'm having a bit of a mental blank at the moment, but hopefully you will have a grasp of what I'm referring to. To an extent, it's fairly plain stuff that I restrict myself from doing, but at that extent this is what makes it so difficult.

I love the theories of contemporary music and want to compose in this style later in life but at the rate I'm going now I don't think I could ever physically bring myself to compose it?

What do you guys think about this matter? Do you feel that over time these thoughts will just subside - especially if I continuously expose myself to the teachings of music? That's what I'm hoping for at the moment.

Any input would be appreciate.. sorry if it reads as being rushed, however suffice to say it was written in a rush :whistling:.

Cheers,

Gav

If your composing if being affected by your mental illness, you should be seeking help for your mental illness... not your composing. Go to your doctor and start from there. Nothing else we could say here will otherwise help until you do that.

I have OCD and it shows up mostly in the way I harmonize my music. I have the compulsion to order things go straight and look right and perfect. If you have OCD you'll know what I mean. I do the same thing when adding harmonies to my pieces. I have a lot of trouble breaking away from simple triadic structures not because I lack a knowledge of harmony but because certain types of harmonies sound really 'off' to me and I can bare to play them. I'm getting better at introducing new harmonies into my composition but I still often find myself play my pieces with different harmonies than I wrote out on the sheet music. Cheating if you will. This also transfers over into my repetoire. I have trouble concentrating on extremley dissonant pieces or pieces with what I think are peculiar sounding harmonies (I am a piano player by the way). I have found myself gravitating mostly to the music Chopin because it combines the romanticism I am a fan of as well as some interesting harmonies. However for some reason I can't really explain his harmonies, even when dissonant or just off, sound very appealing to me. This problem is also the reason I can't deal with a tonal music to me. To me listening to a tonal music is nearly toture (no offense intended to people who love a tonal music, I am not questioning it's validity I just mean that for me personally it is hard to listen to). Hope this was some help.

Andrew

Do you mean that you are (this probably isn't QUITE the right word) 'afraid' to write it?

If that's what you are talking about I have the same problem, which I am just starting to get over. This site is actually what has helped the most. I had only ever listened to professional music and so was 'Afraid' to ever develop anything of my own because it didn't sound like what I was used to hearing.

But listening to other people's work who are just starting off has helped me to learn that nothing is perfect at the beginning and it takes work to get it that far. (Even if it's sometimes hard to listen to your own work.)

Anyway, I'm not even sure that's what you are talking about. But if it is I hope I could help.

YES! I suffer tremendously from this, and yes it is very much like being afraid... afraid that every note you put down isn't perfect. I usually devote hours, and sometimes days, to trying to overcome this, but rate of output is so slow.. I find spontaneous improvisation to help immensly, which is always something to make time for. Dealing with the vast range of possibilities of harmony organization of tones, ect, intensifies this problem for me. So, much time is also devoted to reading articles and new theory books (not to mention putting these materials into practice via excercises, which is, of course, essential to the purpose of researching such things).

I take comfort in knowing I'm not the only one suffering from this, and would like to hear how others handle it, or would handle it......aside from going to a doctor, which I can't afford anyway.

maybe its also over perfectionism? some students of mine get real upset when their tone doesnt sound totally clean, they have to start the piece all over again, and i tell them:"music isn't brain surgery!!! no one will die!!!" but it doesn't help..

perfect music is very demanding and unfair, and sometime unrealistic to a composer since starting a motive doesnt mean a whole piece, but composition is also a process-so its true that a single short motive can become a masterful piece.

i have a problem that i hear the composition in my mind, but its usually faint, sometimes so faint that when i materialize it to notes it dissapears..very frustrating.

deal with it, head to head, fight it like a bull in an arena without hoping to win, and you'll get something for sure, maybe not perfect, maybe not what you wanted, but its there, inspite of.

leave all the worries behind you and stay focused on the music, remember why you do it, what purity it brought to you etc etc..

Yes. I have this disorder. But YC help me to get out of my shell. Hang on and just do your thing!

I dont know what to do. I have it very badly.

I have it so badly that people in general hate/reject me. Very weird. I always move other people's furniture or move things in their houses. In certain houses, I even started cleaning (to my host's embarrasement!). I am really strange in this aspect.

I think perhaps you should focus on acquiring as many systems of organization as possible and slowly introducing them into your compositional process. If this issue has to do with being a "perfectionist" and therefore limiting yourself to only certain harmonies, aesthetics, etc. try to learn new ways to generate harmonic material, rhythmic material, etc.