Suggestions On Direction For This Exposition?

Hello fellow composers -

I'm brand new to the site, and as my first post I'd like to ask for any suggestions you might have on where I could take this piece. I plan on adhering to a rather loose sonata form, so at the moment I'm trying to finish the exposition. Any general comments or theoretical suggestions would be most helpful. Thanks!

http://www.scoreexchange.com/scores/129952.html

(If this link doesn't work, I've attached a Sibelius file)

untitled.sib

So, first thing's first... I see you are using classical form but not strict classical harmony. Since you are new to the site and I know nothing about you, I am going to assume you are aware of this. To qualify, we get a lot of very young composers who aren't always aware of their own harmonic language and are simply writing what "sounds good" to them.

1. I love measures one and two AS IS. Don't change a thing.

2. But, in measure three, you return to the same interval in the right hand as before. And, while this would normally be fine, your crunchy lydian harmonic language dissipates into a pretty tame Ab major. You may consider borrowing from classical harmonic language and moving the bass note DOWN to an F. This would form a Ab(4/2) to Fmin7 (or even 9)... much more in line with your second measure's harmonic language.

3. Going into five, I would disagree with your movement to the lower Eb. I don't hear the progression as well. Solution: keep the Eb in the baritone range and then form your chord in the upper range of the bass clef. What will this do? It will lighten your texture for a bit and erase the monotony of having all low notes in the exposition. Why do I say this? I say it because I feel that you aren't going anywhere and that your excuse is because it's an exposition. :P Not good enough!

4. I like your hemiola. If it were really played live, I'm sure it would be more expressive and effective. So, I have nothing negative or constructive to say about it.

5. But, the bass line in 6-7 should go (again) from Gb to F if you want to keep the integrity of the harmonic language. I also thought that you might introduce a G natural in that chord line (the 9 that I mentioned in number two). CRUNCHY CRUNCHY!

6. In twelve... PLEASE fill out the chords. Having that doubled bass is ineffective unless you add some notes to the right hand.

7. Your bass movement in 13 is great!

8. I don't like your minor to major in 14... I would just keep it a raised three the whole time. Otherwise.. it's awkward.

Ok! Now that that is out of the way, we can talk a little about the way the rest of the piece could go. Fix that (or through your middle finger up to me) and come back with some more melody. To finish out the expo, I suggest increasing your harmonic rhythm to every beat and moving somehow from that b minor quality sequencing to something around an E7. It's very far away and you could go a lot of places, even back to your Ab base. Maybe an Eb7 would be fine as well, but it would take a much longer sequence.

Thank you for this!! This is exactly what I needed.

1. Thanks!

2. I agree, the Ab does sound tame. I attempted what I think you were saying - that is, moving to the F instead of the Ab - but having a minor chord so soon didn't sound right, at least for the emotion that I was going for (which I have still yet to figure out exactly). And if I were adhering to a more classical harmonic language, wouldn't Ab be more appropriate? IV-V-I (Gb-Ab-Db) seems to lean more towards classical than IV-iii-I, don't you think? I may have misunderstood, but I agree that moving to just a plain Ab sounds mundane - I will definitely try to address this.

3. Thank you for catching this! I wholeheartedly agree.

6. I will correct this - I am a very rookie pianist, and am still learning the ropes on appropriate piano texture.

8. I agree, I did not think the last few measures through carefully enough. It does indeed sound awkward. Change made :-)

Thank you for time and your comments - very helpful. I hope to post a finished and nicely polished exposition soon. :-)

2. Well, I was just using it as an example. You can certainly move wherever you'd like! Just, not to the Ab. hahha. The reason your IV-V-I progression doesn't work (btw), is because you already have the V texture in the right hand (Ab-C). I don't know how you'd want to fix that. Be creative. :P

6. It's certainly alright the way you have it. But, it just sounds empty to me.

Annnndddd awesome! Feel free to repost with edits and I'll look again.