Composition Help

Hey, I just started composing a little while ago and was hoping to find some advice on a piece I'm working on. I would really appreciate  advice on improving and developing the piece further. Thanks!!! 

Hopefully it's not too bad. 

First you must present to me what you think needs work. In words.

This seems to be a project of concert for piano and orchestra.

I tell you what I think. I don't know exactly how long you are composing... You just say "a little while ago".

Well, I speak now about myself: Iive been writing music for years, but still today, I don't dare to write for an orchestra. I focused on the piano because it's polyphonic and its possibilities are many. Sometimes I write something for piano and one instrument, or for string quartett, or chamber music like that. I'm not ready to write for full orchestra (besides, I prefer less instruments).

I see in your score, and I listen in you audio file that, perhaps, you are not experienced in full orchestra works. The structure of the fragment is too "square", the feeling is absolutely "vertical", there is no counterpoint or countermelodies, which is what using manyinstruments allows you. Even the piano part is written this way.

So, the melody is good, with potential. But I think the arrangement may be improved. Sincerily, if you don't feel comfortable with large ensembles, you should write for less instruments. That's what I do, and it's good.

But it's only my opinion.

Best regards.

Engraving: Your eighth note rhythms should mostly like be 3 sets of 2 eighth notes to match the ostinato (repeated) quarter notes.
If you're going to use that much pedal you may be better off using the pedal line, where a caret break is used to indicate a piano break.

Melody: It's fine for the most part, and what's good about the bass rhythm beneath it is that it makes it clear where tie breaks are within it. Make sure whenever you're modulating (changing keys) that the notes that the melody is using to get to the new key don't interfere with what the accompaniment is doing.

Orchestration: The moving line of a piece should always be regarded as the most important, and where note changes should be the most smooth. There are some parts in your piece (especially in the horn) where the 2nd horn goes higher than the 1st horn for no reason, since it would sound better if the 1st horn just kept the line going (either descending or ascending. 
You use these things called secondary dominants, which is the cadence to a cadence point which helps you move through keys, which is great! The only issue is making sure everyone is modulating at the same time so it doesn't sound awkward.

Going forward: You end on the half cadence of C minor, so G major. You can either go back to C or do a deceptive cadence and start a "B" section in A-flat major. Whichever you decide, you'll need to put a spin on your original melody going on.

Good luck!