Self-taught musician eager to hear your feedback

Hi everyone, first post here.

I'm Nizar, I learned to play piano (on a synthesizer) empirically and only by ear through the years. I never took a lesson nor studied anything related to music or composition, so I'm quite ignorant about many aspects.
However, I really enjoy the act of creation in music. I never thought of entering a composers' forum, so here I am.
I'm extremely curious to get your feedback, it will be much appreciated, starting with this piece :

Thank you!

Nizar
 

PS : I use Reaper and Kontakt for recording, as Virtual Instruments are 100x better and more realistic than my synthesizer.
PS2 : I just bought a Kawai "stage piano" (ES8) last weekend, so the experience of playing is radically different and my inspiration is sky-rocketing :)

Hi there. Welcome to the forums.
Would like to note that this was moved to the chamber music sub-forum due to the inclusion of other instruments that play with countermelody.
Anyway to your piece:
I appreciate the qualities of variation you have in it. But if I'm being honest, it never goes anywhere. You change the atmosphere quite a bit, which is refreshing, but you never delve into complex chord progressions or borrowed chord even in your center around G# minor. In other places, it sounds too generic (i, VI, III, V) It's too stationary for me, in other words.
Some of your voice leading (or how the melody and counter melodies are transferred through the piece) are awkward. For example, around 3:09, the rule of thumb is that the 7th of the scale, or leading tone in this case since it's a major seventh, resolves stepwise upwards, otherwise it sounds like an unplanned jump. There are a few other places where voice leading make the piece sound awkward.
The end chord... going to G# major is a bold move, but felt kind of unprecedented. I didn't get that sense of relaxation or fulfillment you would normally get from that (we call that a Picardy third, by the way)... I instead felt very confused.

It sounds good on its own, but it seems like a landscape to build a lot more impressive things on top of rather than a piece on its own.

Cheers.

It's got a nice mood, but the piece was too long to sustain the mood without getting tedious. And you don't want that. A couple suggestions. Try venturing out further from the tonic key. If I understand Reaper, it's a MIDI sequencer, right? Try the transpose function with various small segments of the piece. If nothing else it may give you inspiration or take you in a direction you never imagined. Secondly, you did what many inexperienced composers do, and that is to leave the accompaniment on auto pilot. You need to work it, pay more attention to it. Vary it and integrate it more with the right hand. Maybe give these things a try along with shortening it. Good luck to you.

Hi Monarcheon and Ken, thanks a lot for your feedback!
 

Monarcheon,
I tried to figure out what you meant in everything you just said in your critique.
Like I had to go watch videos explaining what "voice leading", "chord progression" and "borrowed chords" are...

I guess one reason why there aren't complex chord progressions, etc. is that I kinda trap myself thinking I have to stick to the "theme" in order to stay coherent (plus, as the title says, it's about someone who will "remain", which suggests some repetition in my own interpretation). But for avoiding being boring, I go through these variations - although they have the same progressions.

So I'm asking myself this question: how do I get out of this "stationary" feeling, and still keeping a global coherence (without changing chord progressions or adding different borrowed chords every minute). Do you think some examples would help me?

Also, just genuinely trying to understand this point, I don't hear any borrowed chords or complex chord progressions in Ludovico Einaudi's piece "Walk" for instance. And it doesn't have that much variations. It's a very simple composition, but I truly love it. Sometimes less is more? I'm a bit confused about this issue to be honest.

I understand your comment about the voice leading and I'm taking good notes :)

The end chord is a story of its own, almost like a "private joke". So it's willingly provoking. It's good to have your feedback about it though, even if it's negative :)


Ken,

Damn I thought I had to stick to the tonic key haha (by the way I had to google it to understand...).

Great suggestion for the transpose. I actually used it on other compositions, but I'll keep it in mind for future inspiration.

Now that you say it, indeed my left hand needs some work!


Thanks again :)

Everyone has blind spots because we are focused on something else that we think is more important. That's why it's necessary to have impartial listeners. If you really like to write music, then you owe it to yourself to take lessons with someone. It doesn't have to be composition, just piano. You will learn so much!

Well, since Monarcheon and Ken have pointed out the technical shortcomings, let me focus on the positive side and the subjective impression. I enjoyed the piece from start to finish. It creates a great atmosphere, not in spite of but because of the repetition. What I can advise you is to not be afraid to create your own style of music, to forge your own path in composition, to be original. If composers didn't do that, all music would be uniform, even though technically excellent. Moreover, it is amazing what you have been able to achieve completely on your own. That is something I think you should be congratulated for.

Hi Nizar

I like the main theme, but I think it gets too tedious after a while. When the piece is as long as it is.

I also like the upbuilding of the tension up til 1:50.  Nice. 

Maybe a new theme that is significantly different from the main theme, could be introduced.

Another possibility is to make the piece shorter. It could end around 3:00 the way I see it.

Luderart, thanks a lot for your feedback and comments! I'll think about what you said concerning the creation of my own style ;)

Kimoworld, I realize that I probably got carried away and extended the composition a bit too much :) I guess I wanted to incarnate the title in this "repetitiveness".
Thanks for the feedback!

I agree it is an accomplishment for someone working on their own..  Ideas offered here are all valid. The beauty of music as how many different aprroaches can be taken..  Keep doing it.. there are lots of decent videos and websites around.. http://northernsounds.com/forum/  has a jazz and classical free course..  

I just discovered Rick Beats on you tube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6FbC96CX4E

There looks like a lot of other decent videos here..  When I come upon a concept new for me.. I try to absorb as much as I can and write a little piece to see what I get out of it... You don't have to finish the piece.. (although that is still a great goal)...

Coursera.org has some free courses..  I took 'Writing 4 part harmony like Mozart'..  I didn't do that great, but next original piece I wrote, I incorporated what I learnt.. and I did learn something.. 

I take what I can learn from these.. often go back and revisit them, later when I am ready to absorb more..  I studied with private teachers for several years as a kid out of 30's - 60's fake books for Hammond organ.  I also played in a rock band.  The greatest learning came once I had some decent tape recorders.. In those days it was bouncing between two. then came a 4 track (Teac).. Now a days of course we have DAWs..  Playing something and immediately hearing back is a great learning tool.. 10 years ago, I took some Berklee online courses, expensive but great..   I had like you a sizable knowledge of self taught..  but I wanted to learn the theory behind it.. why something sounded good.. why something quickly got boring, and how to work around that.  etc..   

Coming from a 3 minute pop background, I at first really felt out of my league here.. There are a significant amount of seriously good composers here..  I go thru the posts, and learn what I can.  Mastering music is a lifetime accomplishment..  There is a world famous jazz pianist Fred Hertz, and in his late 60's he still takes lessons from his 90 year old music teacher..  

I saw a young Phillip Glass in the early 70's play at Mass College of Art..   I was heavily into analog modular synths.. and not particular impressed with his  music.  He basically had musicians playing like sequencers. an assortment of guys playing endless repeating 8 - 16 note sequences.. It was his layering of them, and slow transition over time..  Of course he is famous and well established.. I read some where as he went along with his  musical experiments, he started taking different courses regarding aspects of composition that interest him..  

It all depends on what you want to do.. Satisfy yourself..  gain and audience and admirers.  Keep up the great work, and don't be afraid to post..  Welcome