Occasions That Require A Bassoon

There are times when no other instrument will do. Like if you're a rich person and you need your palace chandeliers dusted. What are you going to use, a guitar? A harpsichord? No. When the girls come out in their little blue aprons and their hair sensibly tied back in buns, dusters at the ready, you need the finest double reed instrument to keep their concentration at full measure. I would suggest a reasonable obligato, rich in filigree but stern enough not to distract the delicate fingers in their work. Two hundred year old crystal must not be allowed to become commonplace glass as you might see at J.C. Penney's.  Humor is welcome provided it's tasteful and not too bawdy. Nor should it cause excessive motion in the female diaphragm, as work may suffer. And lastly, the tempo must be natural and never rushed. Good things take time. That's why you need a bassoon.