A story of a bird

Hi out there!

This is my first track I can call "complete".

To the title: My girlfriend actually wrote a short story with the same title, and I had the idea to write a soundtrack to it. I imagined this as a film.

But I didn´t show it to anyone else in terms of musical feedback.

The story is the following: A girl is loosing her older brother in the mountains. He accidentally fell from a cliff and died. In panic and fear of the darkness, she tries to come home before the night. She slips a few times on her way down due to the dangereus rocky ground, but eventually reaches the cliff which separates her from the village she tries to reach. After overcomming her sadness and panic after loosing her brother. She searches for a giant plant, cuts a leaf and jumps from the cliff. The girl flies and feels free from all her emotions of the day and enjoys the freedom of flying, the cold air and the sunset. After landing at the village, totally exhausted she tells her story to the villagers who form a rescue team to find her brother...
Feedback is highly welcome!

I recorded it with Audacity and MuseScore, so the quality could actually be better in terms of dynamics and the pauses between the scenes...

https://soundcloud.com/bati-si/story-of-a-bird-final

I attached the score as a pdf :)

There's either way too much or way too little going on for too long. Here are some specific things for you to think about in terms of your music and your score.

• Rhythms need to be notated correctly. There are a lot of measures with idle rests in them, a lot of notes tied to notes that don't need to be (i.e. mm. 74-85), hard to read rhythms (i.e. m. 72), and random rests thrown into measures with the incorrect values.
• I don't really know how else to say this but mm. 13-20 are a mess. Way too many separate voices not meshing well with the rest of the ensemble.
• Enharmonic notes, like the rests seem like mundane things to fix but are important to describing your harmonic language correctly. I'd go back and look into those if I were you.
• Dynamic markings do not need to be put on repeated phrases, and should go on the notes being played, not the rests before them.
• I don't know if some of the notes you have are in here are intentional, because it sounds to me you really want a sort of hypertonality system in place, but it's plagued with dissonances that don't fall out of each other well (i.e. minor 9ths to augmented sixths), and I don't know what to comment on specifically, because I just don't know what's going on. This piece is confusing to me, and I struggle to see your narrative with your current orchestration.

That all could just be me, though. I hope your girlfriend was happy with the results---- Cheers