Moment Musical in F minor

This a short piece I recently finished after digging up an old theme.  As the name implies, it is strongly influenced by Schubert's famous Moment Musical in F minor as well and is structured similarly though I wonder if it is too influenced by the Schubert's work.  I kind of got lazy with the ending, I hope to come up with a better one.  Score is attached but as always, is a little rough.

Sounds really good. Can definitely hear the Schubert inspiration.

Your attempt to write in the style of Schubert bears fruit!

Very nice piece with nice melodies and harmonies in the syle of Schubert.
As a Schubert fan, I really enjoyed the music.

Although I like how you use the short appoggiatura to create a sort of motif and recognition point in the music, I think you overuse this motif.
As a result, this 'exaggeration' of the ornamental note annoys me a bit, to be honest.

Nevertheless, very well done and great music!
 

14 hours ago, Liam Doyle said:

Sounds really good. Can definitely hear the Schubert inspiration.

 

Thanks for listening!

1 hour ago, Maarten Bauer said:

Your attempt to write in the style of Schubert bears fruit!

Very nice piece with nice melodies and harmonies in the syle of Schubert.
As a Schubert fan, I really enjoyed the music.

Although I like how you use the short appoggiatura to create a sort of motif and recognition point in the music, I think you overuse this motif.
As a result, this 'exaggeration' of the ornamental note annoys me a bit, to be honest.

Nevertheless, very well done and great music!
 

 

Thanks for listening!  Sorry the grace notes got annoying, believe or not, an earlier draft had far more of them but I realized I was getting carried away.

Beautiful. I love the lightness and conciseness of the notes. 

The piece passed my "background listening test" with flying colours ;-) Also nice how you vary the entries of the main theme. The Schubertian original loomed large in the first few measures, as you mentioned, but I would say helped you to stay in style.

I do like this piece, even though the influence is quite obvious when you listen to the original. It's mostly quite pleasant to listen to. I've just been in a really harmonically nitpicky mood lately because it's all I can think about with the pieces I'm currently working on and I can't get my mind out of the zone. So, here's a bunch of mostly kind of small things:

There are a few harmonies/chords that I find odd or unconvincing. In bar 5 for example, the A flat sounds weird against the C major chord when you have previously been using quite conventional chords. The way the melody was heading in bar 4, I was fully expecting an F minor chord in second inversion in bar 5, and the C major against the A flat sounds like you couldn't decide between going tonic in second inversion or going dominant.
The G flat in bar 12 also sounds a little weird to me but I'm not sure exactly why, because I can see what you're going for. Maybe it's that the bass line doesn't seem to lead to where I expect it to go (a C in the bass in bar 13 with maybe a 7th chord on the 2nd beat sounds more comfortable in my mind).
Bar 17 works okay to me, though I feel an E flat chord in root position would work better than second inversion, but I think that's just me.
The sudden structure change starting bar 19 feels really out of place to me. You've set up a very clear pattern of 8 bar phrases (except that you put the first repeat marking at the first bar rather than the third), and changing it here feels a little gratuitous.
You have an E flat (and a D flat) in the bass in bar 21 but I'm sure that's just a typo. Leading into the A flat chord in bar 22 sounds a little awkward, especially as you're repeating the last note of the scale passage the bar before, but I'm not sure how you would fix this.
I also found the modulation to D flat in bar 31 a bit forced. In fact, the entire chord progression from bar 31 to bar 38 sounded quite unnatural, especially arriving on a chord in first inversion on bar 38. I would also think about putting in first time/second time bars so that when you repeat back to bar 23 you're not leading into it with the C dominant chord, which you really don't need to at that time. I also think you don't need the F in the right hand on bar 39, the E natural will still naturally lead into the F on the second beat.
I think it's a great idea to change up the theme at bar 41 by introducing the descending middle voice but it doesn't fit with the bass chords. I'm not immediately sure how you could fix it and keep the descending line but I'm sure there's a way.
Likewise at bar 49 I know you're trying to introduce variation by putting in the E natural but it sounds quite dissonant to my ears.
Bar 50 I feel the G flat is very much out of place due to the other G natural. I think a G natural leading into the A flat would sound very nice and would provide some slight variation by itself from the main theme.
Bar 58 is one where I definitely think the chord should be A flat root position, not second inversion. The bass line just doesn't work for me. I also think that the F octave in bar 60 should be an octave lower than it is, to link up with the E flats heard in bar 59 - otherwise they're left hanging just a little.

Dear bkho, when you started the melody the first thing i thought about was pianist Tigran Hamasyan, he uses alot of grace note deco. ofcourse after listening to that man. i expected to hear different things. To be quite honest I think this is too classical for me to like. But i don't want to decourage you, (goddamnit moral dillemma.)

let me end with something nice.

Holland's women won the soccer world championship last year! 

A nice variation of the original! Though I wish it is slightly faster. The staccato reflects the light mood to the piece.

On 11/30/2017 at 6:36 PM, ilv said:

Nice piece. Agree with others about the Schubert influence. It's very evident. There's errors in there because some melody notes clearly don't fit with the harmonies.

 

I think one of my New Year's Resolutions will be to write a piece that passes ilv's sharp scrutiny .