Opinions, please! no.2

We're having a ring contest at school, and the winning ring will be the school ring for next month.

Everybody except for me suggest their favourite pop "music", but I decided I'll try to make a ring myself.

I tried to make something simple that can loop and can be heard alot of times.

Ok, it's feedback time.

Jazzy and relaxed. Probably too relaxed for a school ring, but what do I know about school rings from other countries. I have to say that the partial repetition of the first phrase is harmonically a bit weak, and the ten seconds from 0:11 to 0:21 the better, more fleshed out part (in my purely subjective opinion!). The small forms are often incredibly difficult to write.

Very jazzy. I disagree with Willibald, I don't think the first phrase is weak at all, in fact I think it sets up the loop pretty well. Although I would recommend extending it past 21 seconds before you loop. It just gives the crowd more to listen to. Nice work!

5 hours ago, LostSamurai said:

Very jazzy. I disagree with Willibald, I don't think the first phrase is weak at all, in fact I think it sets up the loop pretty well. Although I would recommend extending it past 21 seconds before you loop. It just gives the crowd more to listen to. Nice work!

 

Actually I can't expand it XD

They said that the offered ring has to be between 15 and 22 seconds long.