Quartet Winter 2017 (Draft)

Hi everyone, 

I am inspired by the cold weather today, so I jot down some notes here. How would you comment this short excerpt? 

Thank you.

HoYin

cool stuff dude! You did this all today? how do you write so fast?

I could see this as the end of a longer piece, it's a little too exuberant by itself. It needs a slower build up to measure 17, where it really starts to pick up. i could imagine it starting with just sustained minor chords using tremolo, and then one instrument coming in with the melody. The first 9 or so measures sound out of place, its too bright; reminds me more of spring. The music would more effective if instead of writing about winter, you made the listener actually feel the cold weather. Purcell's aria "cold song" does this quite effectively, maybe you could draw some inspiration from this. Maybe you want the emotion in the beginning to be more cheery sounding?