DELETED #15

DELETED

It's.a huge work. Surely some people will tell you it's a mix of styles. It sounds jazzy i the beginning, classical and romantic afterwords. To speak the truth, I hav no problem with that.

Even the beautiful "dolcissimo e cantabile part" has its place for me.

I only have some observations: 

-The thick chords at the bottom f the piano (measure 10) are always "dangerous", but you go up quickly and they seem to play a role there

-I'm not very fond of so many octaves (right and/or left hand). It's, perhaps, my particular taste, but I always try to look for other solution avoiding the octaves. 

36 minutes ago, Luis Hernández said:

It's.a huge work. Surely some people will tell you it's a mix of styles. It sounds jazzy i the beginning, classical and romantic afterwords. To speak the truth, I hav no problem with that.

Even the beautiful "dolcissimo e cantabile part" has its place for me.

I only have some observations: 

-The thick chords at the bottom f the piano (measure 10) are always "dangerous", but you go up quickly and they seem to play a role there

-I'm not very fond of so many octaves (right and/or left hand). It's, perhaps, my particular taste, but I always try to look for other solution avoiding the octaves. 

 

Thanks! I already worked a lot on it, practically the first movement is ended. I'm working on the scherzo now and i have the first section (lack the scherzo)... I'm really spending my time on this piece. I will upload it in no time

Finished scherzo

I find the scherzo quite well built. For me, it would be hard to write something in this kind of Forms... But I appreciate it.

What I like most is the independence of the hands, the left hand is very rich.

50 minutes ago, Luis Hernández said:

I find the scherzo quite well built. For me, it would be hard to write something in this kind of Forms... But I appreciate it.

What I like most is the independence of the hands, the left hand is very rich.

 

I think I sometimes even do it too much, I try to give the left hand his own voice and use counterpoint as much as possible, but this can result in a bigger fail too haha

Of course, there is a middle point, particularly in a classical (mozartian) style. But I think it's perfect here.

2 hours ago, Luis Hernández said:

Of course, there is a middle point, particularly in a classical (mozartian) style. But I think it's perfect here.

 

Agree, did my best to end the at a third movement. I wanted to start a fugue as the finalle, but this seems rather "impossible" for my inhability to lead a nice fugue. I maybe do a choral as finalle, or just let it be with the presto

The lilting theme in the first movement has a lot of potential. Some of the chromatic suspensions are a bit clumsy (Measure 6 for instance). At first, I thought that was a mistake -but then you do it several times after. Not sure, but that particular passage could be redone to make it less clumsy. Some of your harmonies seem a bit odd (measure 51, third beat: B F# in the right hand and E# with a suspended A in the left).  Your restatement of the more lyrical second theme in measures 76 - 89 also seems to be filled to the brim with these odd harmonic choices. This gives a strange feeling to the theme -which I'm not quite sure is what you wanted.

In the second movement, I'm not sure the simple trio at measure 34 really serves as a good compliment for the preceding section. In a way, I feel the first movement was too short -and you left many of the harmonic choices unresolved in the previous movement. I was totally expecting a more thorough breakdown of the themes of the first movement. The second movement doesn't quite seem to elaborate or extend the language of the first. I can see that you tried to make the two movements cohesive through the use of the same rhythmic motivic material -but, aurally, that doesn't come through at all. The stylistic change is also too dramatic (the second movement is a decent take on late Rococo and early classical sensibilities... somewhat). Measures 90 - 92 should be omitted totally -or expanded upon. 

The final section also contains some good ideas. I love the use of the rhythm from the first movement in the left hand -nice work there. I think this movement -also- could be expanded some to further expand your ideas more. You've got a very rich idea with this movement -and I think this is something that you can expand upon to good effect.

One final note -and perhaps a bit expansive:

I think you've got some great material. And you seem to be attempting a more serious oriented work. I think great care and deliberation should be taken to insure that you are getting the most leverage from your material. In the first movement, for instance, where is the development and why is it so abruptly short? Such rich material... and you've only given it 105 bars? Was that enough to get your ideas across? I don't want to be too critical -and I don't want to be perceived as such. So, I'll get to the point: You've laid down the ideas so far in this W.I.P.... now let's see what you can do with them. Questions a composer would ask next are: What can I do with this material? Where can I take it? How can I transform it? And Finally: How can I present this material, with clarity and cohesion, into one complete opus?

I hope my review helps. Some great ideas... show me what you can do with them.

4 hours ago, jawoodruff said:

The lilting theme in the first movement has a lot of potential. Some of the chromatic suspensions are a bit clumsy (Measure 6 for instance). At first, I thought that was a mistake -but then you do it several times after. Not sure, but that particular passage could be redone to make it less clumsy. Some of your harmonies seem a bit odd (measure 51, third beat: B F# in the right hand and E# with a suspended A in the left).  Your restatement of the more lyrical second theme in measures 76 - 89 also seems to be filled to the brim with these odd harmonic choices. This gives a strange feeling to the theme -which I'm not quite sure is what you wanted.

In the second movement, I'm not sure the simple trio at measure 34 really serves as a good compliment for the preceding section. In a way, I feel the first movement was too short -and you left many of the harmonic choices unresolved in the previous movement. I was totally expecting a more thorough breakdown of the themes of the first movement. The second movement doesn't quite seem to elaborate or extend the language of the first. I can see that you tried to make the two movements cohesive through the use of the same rhythmic motivic material -but, aurally, that doesn't come through at all. The stylistic change is also too dramatic (the second movement is a decent take on late Rococo and early classical sensibilities... somewhat). Measures 90 - 92 should be omitted totally -or expanded upon. 

The final section also contains some good ideas. I love the use of the rhythm from the first movement in the left hand -nice work there. I think this movement -also- could be expanded some to further expand your ideas more. You've got a very rich idea with this movement -and I think this is something that you can expand upon to good effect.

One final note -and perhaps a bit expansive:

I think you've got some great material. And you seem to be attempting a more serious oriented work. I think great care and deliberation should be taken to insure that you are getting the most leverage from your material. In the first movement, for instance, where is the development and why is it so abruptly short? Such rich material... and you've only given it 105 bars? Was that enough to get your ideas across? I don't want to be too critical -and I don't want to be perceived as such. So, I'll get to the point: You've laid down the ideas so far in this W.I.P.... now let's see what you can do with them. Questions a composer would ask next are: What can I do with this material? Where can I take it? How can I transform it? And Finally: How can I present this material, with clarity and cohesion, into one complete opus?

I hope my review helps. Some great ideas... show me what you can do with them.

 

Pretty much thanks for the elaborate answer! Yeah, the work stills need more watch. Most of my pieces are just done in 1-2 or maybe 3 days and then I don't touch them anymore, I may revisit them later or just let them be, so agree with you. I will try to do a btter use of my ideas, but I cannot be sure.