The Two Brothers

The title is definitely just a filler, until I come up with a better idea, but I'd love some feedback! I know you guys told me to write for smaller ensembles, and I have been, but I also love writing for larger ones. Don't mind a couple of the extra instruments... I used a format on musescore lmao so it's put there automatically. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this piece! Be super nit-picky about it, I don't mind. I know writing for such a large ensemble is out of my range... there's probably an armata of orchestration issues I'm not aware of. But slowly and surely I'm learning, and it's thanks to you guys!

Hello!

I rarely comment because I'm just a newbie and always feel like I should keep it shut till I grow up, but since you asked me to have a look, I'll give my (very very) humble opinion 🙂

Disclaimer: orchestral music is way too complicated for me (I learned that after writing a terrible orchestral attempt :p) so I'll only be able to give very vague feedbacks about how I felt about the piece without getting technical). Also, the score is too small for me to read, so I'll really remain super vague 😞

I feel like the similar motion of the parts in the beginning is kinda killing their independancy (duh). What I mean is that it is striking to me because I usually like the effect of parts coming in one after another as I see on your score, but I couldn't hear this effect at all here because they are not distinct.

The melody in this opening is quite surprising. Overall, it just feels like an ever-descending motion. Not unpleasant tho, It depends if it's what you're going for.

I found the ending of the first part super abrupt. The final chord in forte with the brass came in a bit abruptly, and doesn't sound conclusive to me, but sounds like there should be something following it (unfortunately I can't read the score so it's just what I feel from hearing it, might be partly due to the crescendo effect), and then... an awkward silence comes in. This part sounded very weird to me, I felt it didn't flow well.

Then, in the second part, I had the feeling that the different instruments were quite dissonant with each other? and the rythmic placement made the tempo confusing to me. Well, it gives a lot of tension, but also doesn't sound quite right cause it goes on for long. then it comes back to a very thick homophonic texture where all the intruments play the same part (or so I hear), as in the beginning. Some violent changes of dynamics as well.

I liked the next part with strings and glockenspiel (I think it's a glockenspiel?) even though I heard some chord changes that felt too abrupt

All in all, I hear some ideas that I like, definitely. But I mostly feel like you still lack the proficiency to deal with a full orchestra (don't hear what I say as condescending; again, I'm much greener than you in music composition so no offense). I really think it would be better to get a solid grasp of much smaller ensembles first, because I do feel like you're getting lost in the possibilites that an orchestra has to offer so far.

Again, take everything I said with a grain of salt. More like a big bag of salt. I mostly have no idea what I'm saying, just giving my uneducated feeling here 😄 

6 hours ago, Coxi said:

Hello!

I rarely comment because I'm just a newbie and always feel like I should keep it shut till I grow up, but since you asked me to have a look, I'll give my (very very) humble opinion 🙂

Disclaimer: orchestral music is way too complicated for me (I learned that after writing a terrible orchestral attempt :p) so I'll only be able to give very vague feedbacks about how I felt about the piece without getting technical). Also, the score is too small for me to read, so I'll really remain super vague 😞

 

I feel like the similar motion of the parts in the beginning is kinda killing their independancy (duh). What I mean is that it is striking to me because I usually like the effect of parts coming in one after another as I see on your score, but I couldn't hear this effect at all here because they are not distinct.

The melody in this opening is quite surprising. Overall, it just feels like an ever-descending motion. Not unpleasant tho, It depends if it's what you're going for.

I found the ending of the first part super abrupt. The final chord in forte with the brass came in a bit abruptly, and doesn't sound conclusive to me, but sounds like there should be something following it (unfortunately I can't read the score so it's just what I feel from hearing it, might be partly due to the crescendo effect), and then... an awkward silence comes in. This part sounded very weird to me, I felt it didn't flow well.

Then, in the second part, I had the feeling that the different instruments were quite dissonant with each other? and the rythmic placement made the tempo confusing to me. Well, it gives a lot of tension, but also doesn't sound quite right cause it goes on for long. then it comes back to a very thick homophonic texture where all the intruments play the same part (or so I hear), as in the beginning. Some violent changes of dynamics as well.

I liked the next part with strings and glockenspiel (I think it's a glockenspiel?) even though I heard some chord changes that felt too abrupt

 

All in all, I hear some ideas that I like, definitely. But I mostly feel like you still lack the proficiency to deal with a full orchestra (don't hear what I say as condescending; again, I'm much greener than you in music composition so no offense). I really think it would be better to get a solid grasp of much smaller ensembles first, because I do feel like you're getting lost in the possibilites that an orchestra has to offer so far.

 

Again, take everything I said with a grain of salt. More like a big bag of salt. I mostly have no idea what I'm saying, just giving my uneducated feeling here 😄 

 

I completely agree with the last part when you said that I lack the proficiency. I really do and I know I shouldn't be writing for such a large ensemble, but I do it anyway lmao. Thank you so much for your feedback, and I'll try and fix it so it flows better 😄

Are you able to upload a pdf of the score? I can kind of guess what most of the instruments are but its really hard to read at the size in the video. I'm guessing the instruments above the strings that have the sixteenth not figures at the beginning are various mallet instruments?

I like alot of the ideas you have here, I think they are just in an unrefined form. For example, I think the opening passage would be very hard to balance, with about seven different instruments on the sixteenth notes and the melody in just one flute. Since all the mallets are marked ppp, maybe reduce it to just one and leave the winds out of the sixteenth notes? Just an idea. I like some of the melodies that use more exotic scales starting around 1:34 as well. 

I don't think you should necessarily shy away from larger ensembles, but maybe limit the scope a little bit? Since it sounds like you're pretty new at this, maybe just try a some shorter, well-defined forms (binary, ternary) with fewer layers until you get more comfortable, then expand as you get more experience. Focus on just having a melody, bassline, and some chords, then gradually expand into more complicated textures. Also, think about the instruments you are using and how they will fit into these roles. Instruments like basses, cellos, bassoons, tuba will generally be baseline; violins, upper strings, trumpets will generally be melody; horns, and trombones will generally be chords; etc... Keep these roles in mind as you write... and of course different instruments may have more than one role from time to time.

Thanks for sharing. 

Thank you so much for all of this great information! I have the musescore doc here: https://musescore.com/user/30353801/scores/6339912.

And I didn't think of how it would be in a real setting if all of those mallets were to play over the flute. I think I'll just leave it with the glockenspiel then. And thank you for all of the compliments on my work as well 😄 I'll try and use those forms instead of whatever it is that I'm doing! 

This is great!!! I immediately clicked the replay button after first hearing it. I like the abrupt phrase end with the timpani then coming in, then it goes dark and leads to a loud chord with the brass instruments which is contrasted with the quiet strings and harp, beautiful. The final cadence is majestic. As a whole the piece made me visualise dramatic scenes from video games. Each time I listen I hear new details. 

On 11/3/2020 at 4:35 PM, Papageno said:

This is great!!! I immediately clicked the replay button after first hearing it. I like the abrupt phrase end with the timpani then coming in, then it goes dark and leads to a loud chord with the brass instruments which is contrasted with the quiet strings and harp, beautiful. The final cadence is majestic. As a whole the piece made me visualise dramatic scenes from video games. Each time I listen I hear new details. 

 

Thank you so much! I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, I've been busy with college applications. But thank you so much!