my first work

hi! this is my first work. its very short.

untitled.miduntitled.pdf

Well, not bad at all for a first effort.. 

There are a few intervals that seem to jar and it might be worth trying to extend the piece and smooth a few things out. But...it is your work and no need to take notice of my comments. Two part harmony is quite difficult.

How are you on theory? It's quite ok to break rules because they're really for guidance. They sometimes help though. In the first bar you match a C-Dflat under a G-Aflat. The Dflat is a nice effect but these parallel 5ths are intrusive as they are.

Bar 3 starts with the upper part: Eflat-C-B-D ...with the lower part C-G-F-Bflat.... The second notes, C against G lack a third when it could have one if you dropped the lower part to Eflat, so the lower line: C-Eflat-F-G. That Bflat definitely clashes with the Bnatural in the upper line just before it. Something to think about is the lower line being C-Eflat-F-G-Aflat-Enatural-F-Aflat.

The last bar works quite well but the closing notes are a little bland. By all means end on a unison C.

I mentioned that C-Dflat against the G-Aflat up there. It's a nice effect and can be bettered if you resolve it onto a G against B natural then get to C minor. In technical jargon it's a flattened II - V - I ......Something to think about in another work - or development of this one.

Good work.

39 minutes ago, Quinn said:

Well, not bad at all for a first effort.. 

There are a few intervals that seem to jar and it might be worth trying to extend the piece and smooth a few things out. But...it is your work and no need to take notice of my comments. Two part harmony is quite difficult.

How are you on theory? It's quite ok to break rules because they're really for guidance. They sometimes help though. In the first bar you match a C-Dflat under a G-Aflat. The Dflat is a nice effect but these parallel 5ths are intrusive as they are.

Bar 3 starts with the upper part: Eflat-C-B-D ...with the lower part C-G-F-Bflat.... The second notes, C against G lack a third when it could have one if you dropped the lower part to Eflat, so the lower line: C-Eflat-F-G. That Bflat definitely clashes with the Bnatural in the upper line just before it. Something to think about is the lower line being C-Eflat-F-G-Aflat-Enatural-F-Aflat.

The last bar works quite well but the closing notes are a little bland. By all means end on a unison C.

I mentioned that C-Dflat against the G-Aflat up there. It's a nice effect and can be bettered if you resolve it onto a G against B natural then get to C minor. In technical jargon it's a flattened II - V - I ......Something to think about in another work - or development of this one.

Good work.

Thanks for your detailed feedback. and i accept it all. I'm feel pressure with the composition so i try to finish it as soon as possible. I didn't review it thoroughly. well, I think the melody is good by the way.

Bnatural is intended, but not a good attempt. The other parts you said make me study. 

Hi, welcome to the forum. What an excellent start! You've written a catchy tune. I hope you won't find it improper but I composed 10 different accompaniments to your melody in a variety of ways to test out possibilities. I hope you decide to develop your melody, its defintely worthy of the effort.

On 10/21/2020 at 7:15 PM, DarrenEngland said:

Hi, welcome to the forum. What an excellent start! You've written a catchy tune. I hope you won't find it improper but I composed 10 different accompaniments to your melody in a variety of ways to test out possibilities. I hope you decide to develop your melody, its defintely worthy of the effort.

 

MP3

 

 

Play / pause

• Theme_in_C_minor__20201021_110833

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0:00

volume

 

> next

menu

 

Theme_in_C_minor__20201021_110833

 

> next

Thank you for your support. I like someone who is kind to newbies like you. Your sheet music will help me.

4 hours ago, Omingyu said:

MP3

 

 

Play / pause

• Theme_in_C_minor__20201021_110833

0:00

 

 

0:00

volume

 

> next

menu

 

Theme_in_C_minor__20201021_110833

 

> next

 

 

Thank you for your support. I like someone who is kind to newbies like you. Your sheet music will help me.

 

Your welcome, I have a couple of questions for you:

1. What are your short and long term composition goals?

2. Are you studying any texts books?