the longer journey

Hello,

I have written a new version of my previous attempt. I am not sure how the posting policy of this forum goes about this, but since it has changed a lot since last time, I thought of starting a topic anew, to make a clear distinction. I don't mind deleting the older one if need be.

Basically, only the first bit with the "almost naked" melody has remained unchanged. The rest has gone through changes, mostly by using fuller textures (as suggested here by MJFOBOE), changes in harmony, or slight melodic adjustments. Some sections have been added, making the work longer. Maybe a bit too long for my level, but I  felt like it was still holding together quite alright? Well, you'll be the judges of that of course 😛

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts, technical or not, on the thing!

EDIT: the piece has been slightly edited (again) after the post of guardian

The main idea is interesting. For this, I felt that the main melody repeats too much without development. I like the idea of having the melody on the piano alone and then it being joined by the wind instrument after. One thing I feel this idea could have used was a modulation to a major key to give the minor key some contrast. I could also imagine this piece working in ternary form, with an A and B section for the introduction and development of the main melody and the C for its major key version and back to A.

Hi and thanks a lot for your input!

I totally understand the "too much repetition" part. When I compose, I become so desensitized to the originality of the work that ANY repeat feels like to much repeat to me, so balancing repetition/thematic content with new stuff is really one of my biggest struggles so far. The piece already modulates in major in the intermediary sections but I tried your suggestion of having the main melody playing in major. I didn't really like the effect it produces though. I intended this repeat as kind of a melancholic "chorus", and as one might expect, having it in major does take this mood away.

I tried a compromise where the melody starts out in major and "falls" in minor  halfway through with a diminished 7th chord. I kinda like this melodic part in itself, but I find that it weakens other parts of the piece to get to it (the half cadence at the end of the intermediary section, mm.33-34, which originally was in g minor sounds much less interesting to me in G major, and is not really in line with my intentions).

So although I do like this "half major" version of the repeated melody in itself, I would probably need to find a way to "introduce it" that fits my idea better, and I don't really see one at the moment.

I post here the modified version (modified part is from 1:10 to). I have also added a few variations in the repeated melody of the oboe. Nothing great, but this I will probably keep, just to try and reduce the monotony. I could also do only one repeat in the introduction section to make it lighter (i.e. not invert it).

EDIT: I have actually decided for another compromise whch is to modulate in d minor for the second repeat, to still change it up a little but keep the minor feel. The oboe melody is also varied a bit. I know it is not completely satisfying (and there's probably a whole lot of toher problems too), but I'll coinsider it the final version since I shouldn't spend so much time on a sinlge piece as a practicing beginner. I've edited the main post with that final version 🙂