Theme in A-sharp with 10 variations

It´s a while ago since I posted something new. Here is a piece which I just finished. It  was quite fun to write this, and maybe I will extend it with some more variations.

I would be very interested to know what you think of it. 

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Thanks for sharing this, Johan.  I've listened to it a couple of times over the past few days and find it to be very well-written. The thematic content doesn't capture me, but that's largely on account of personal taste, not the quality of the theme or the writing. It has, for me, a style reminiscent of Schubert, using early Romantic period harmony with Classical era phrasing and articulation conventions.

The only significant musical criticism I have is that the work is left sounding incomplete at the end of the final variation. A combination of factors lead to a strong sense that the work should continue. Perhaps that was your intention? Since you mentioned you were thinking of extending it, I'd personally think that's a good idea. I wouldn't add too much more, but a more conclusive variation to end would make it more effective to me. I also thought that continued arpeggiation in the LH for the first two beats of bar 79 may work better, as many of the variations end with a sustained chord involving both hands (and it works well in all those other cases).

Beyond that, there are just some minor details in the score, none of which are significant issues. Hope this helps!

On 10/16/2021 at 2:29 AM, pianist_1981 said:

Thanks for sharing this, Johan.  I've listened to it a couple of times over the past few days and find it to be very well-written. The thematic content doesn't capture me, but that's largely on account of personal taste, not the quality of the theme or the writing. It has, for me, a style reminiscent of Schubert, using early Romantic period harmony with Classical era phrasing and articulation conventions.

The only significant musical criticism I have is that the work is left sounding incomplete at the end of the final variation. A combination of factors lead to a strong sense that the work should continue. Perhaps that was your intention? Since you mentioned you were thinking of extending it, I'd personally think that's a good idea. I wouldn't add too much more, but a more conclusive variation to end would make it more effective to me. I also thought that continued arpeggiation in the LH for the first two beats of bar 79 may work better, as many of the variations end with a sustained chord involving both hands (and it works well in all those other cases).

Beyond that, there are just some minor details in the score, none of which are significant issues. Hope this helps!

 

Thank you very much, pianist­_1981 for your insightful  comments  (and I am sorry for the delay of my answer).

I agree with you that I should continue with an arpeggiation in bar 79 in the way you suggested. Thanks for pointing this out, and I will change it. Also, you have raised a valid point, that an additional and more conclusive variation (perhaps including a more close repetition of the original theme) at the end of the piece would be more suitable. This would be in line with the style of the piece.  But I will have to think a bit more about it. Sometimes it can be effective to end the music with a more “open end”.

Anyway, I will write some more variations, and see how they would  fit in the entirety.

I would be very grateful if you could point out any flaws in the score. For me, writing a perfect score is very important, but I never seem to be able to do it. If you think that the issues are not of a general interest for YC members, you could perhaps send me a private message.

Once more, I really appreciate your excellent and constructive response.

Best regards.  

Good day Johan,

It was my pleasure. Per your request, here are some things to think about with the score:

1) Consistency with slurs: There are occasions where these have been used regularly and then suddenly drop out without a significant change in the musical material. Some examples are bar 27 (tail end, LH) and 30-32 (30, LH, 31-32 both hands). Some composers treat slurs in a similar manner to pedal indications, including them only when an unusual usage request is needed, but that doesn't appear to be the case with your engraving. 

2) Consistency of written terms: As an expressive marking, "Cantabile" in bar 60 should be "cantabile" (italicized in the same font as your other expressive markings, lower case C). From 109-122, you have a number of tempo indications. Some are bolded, others are not, and "molto rit." is the only one with a lower case initial letter. I've never seen "A-tempo" with a hyphen, but perhaps that's a regional preference.

3) Bar 77: LH should be B# to match the RH.

4) Bar 104: What is meant by the little circle? Again, this is not something I've ever seen in a piano score of a work that isn't employing extended techniques. That symbol is usually used in string music to denote harmonics.

The only other remarks I have are a matter of personal preference. In numerous places, you tie notes where I would prefer to see a single note (examples: bar 21 LH, bar 27 RH, bar 87 RH). I would probably also beam the 8th notes in the final variation given its rapid tempo. And lastly, when using courtesy accidentals (ex. bar 60), I prefer to see them on all instances of that pitch class in the chord. In the bar 60 example, seeing an accidental on the bottom C but not the top suggests the two are different from each other. This doesn't matter much when learning the piece, but it's a nuisance when sight-reading (the same applies to the tie issue).

Hope this helps! Best wishes on your next project.

Thank you for sharing your work.

You know what I still long for in this music? (despite it being good music) A bit of dirt, filth... A friend said a while ago: without filth no greatness. I don't know what to precisely think of this statement, to be honest, but you might want to consider it🙂

My one bit of advice, would be to change up some of the dynamics on the repeats. 

For instance, in the Alla Marcia, you could start the repeat off with a pianissimo and then go back to mezzo forte at measure 37.

On 11/3/2021 at 8:31 PM, pianist_1981 said:

Good day Johan,

It was my pleasure. Per your request, here are some things to think about with the score:

1) Consistency with slurs: There are occasions where these have been used regularly and then suddenly drop out without a significant change in the musical material. Some examples are bar 27 (tail end, LH) and 30-32 (30, LH, 31-32 both hands). Some composers treat slurs in a similar manner to pedal indications, including them only when an unusual usage request is needed, but that doesn't appear to be the case with your engraving. 

You are right, I should have been more consistent with the use of slurs. I will adjust the slur in bar 27 as you suggested. and will add the missing slurs in bar 30 – 32. Your remark about the general use of slurs is very appropriate. It is indeed very different how various composers use them. And this is even more so for pedal marks. For example: Schubert hardly uses any pedal marks (but hardly any pianist would play his pieces without an extensive use of the pedal, whereas Chopin shows a stringent notation of pedaling (for example in his Études)  

2) Consistency of written terms: As an expressive marking, "Cantabile" in bar 60 should be "cantabile" (italicized in the same font as your other expressive markings, lower case C). From 109-122, you have a number of tempo indications. Some are bolded, others are not, and "molto rit." is the only one with a lower case initial letter. I've never seen "A-tempo" with a hyphen, but perhaps that's a regional preference.

I agree with everything and I will amend these issues. The hyphen in the A tempo is my mistake, and I will correct this as well.

3) Bar 77: LH should be B# to match the RH.

You are right, this is a spelling error, and it should be B#

4) Bar 104: What is meant by the little circle? Again, this is not something I've ever seen in a piano score of a work that isn't employing extended techniques. That symbol is usually used in string music to denote harmonics.

I will remove it, It is not supposed to be there. It happened probably when I entered the score in Sibelius, and caused by tapping a wrong computer key. A lot of strange things can pop up in this way.  

The only other remarks I have are a matter of personal preference. In numerous places, you tie notes where I would prefer to see a single note (examples: bar 21 LH, bar 27 RH, bar 87 RH). I would probably also beam the 8th notes in the final variation given its rapid tempo.

OK, this makes sense I will fix this the way you suggested.

And lastly, when using courtesy accidentals (ex. bar 60), I prefer to see them on all instances of that pitch class in the chord. In the bar 60 example, seeing an accidental on the bottom C but not the top suggests the two are different from each other. This doesn't matter much when learning the piece, but it's a nuisance when sight-reading (the same applies to the tie issue).

You are absolutely right.  (but I assume that you are referring to bar 59). In fact, I will remove the accidental, because bar 59 is the start of a new variation, which has switched key to A major, and there should not be a need for a courtesy accidental.

Hope this helps!

Yes, this helps a lot and I am VERY grateful for your excellent and detailed revision. (one of the best I have ever received). Thank you VERY much!

 

Best wishes on your next project. Thanks!  

Best regards

Johan

 

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 PM, Jan-Peter said:

Thank you for sharing your work.

 

You know what I still long for in this music? (despite it being good music) A bit of dirt, filth... A friend said a while ago: without filth no greatness. I don't know what to precisely think of this statement, to be honest, but you might want to consider it🙂

 

I don´t understand what kind of dirt or filth you would like to see in my music. Maybe you could try to explain me more specifically what you mean. Personally, I am of the opinion that there is already more than enough crap in the world. What we need is more emotional beauty.

On 11/6/2021 at 4:04 PM, BipolarComposer said:

My one bit of advice, would be to change up some of the dynamics on the repeats. 

For instance, in the Alla Marcia, you could start the repeat off with a pianissimo and then go back to mezzo forte at measure 37.

 

Well, you could change the dynamics in any way you like. The audio file is just an electronic playback of the score. A live playback would certainly be more nuanced, including personal preferences.  But I would not consider a pp section in the fourth variation. For me, it would not be appropriate in a march. Not even in a Marche Funèbre.

7 hours ago, panta rei said:

Well, you could change the dynamics in any way you like. The audio file is just an electronic playback of the score. A live playback would certainly be more nuanced, including personal preferences.  But I would not consider a pp section in the fourth variation. For me, it would not be appropriate in a march. Not even in a Marche Funèbre.

 

 

I meant to say Piano not Pianissimo 

I find your variations amazing, all of them very genuine and interesting. Congratulations!

Looking forward for more well-written pieces like that 🙂