La Zattera (The Raft)

Hi guys, this is the first (complete) piece I have composed. It was inspired by the painting "The Raft of the Medusa" by Théodore Géricault, which I found whilst I was surfing the internet for inspiration. I'm hoping to use it as part of a larger work later on, but here it is as it stands. 

The piece is in ternary form (A-B-A), with the A section being in G minor, and the B section being in the Dominant(D Major). The A Section is supposed to invoke the dispair that the sailors on the raft must've felt as they were sailing, and their cries for help. The B section is supposed to be some sort of cheer up song, that the sailors sing (and waltz to), to try and cheer themselves up. Eventually, the despair and pain of their ordeal overwhelms them, and they stop singing, and start crying for help again, hence the repeat of the A section.

I do hope you enjoy my piece, and I would appreciate some feedback on it,

Yours Faithfully,

Expert21

P.S. I apologise in advance for some of the discrepancies in the notation, I hope to fix it when I have more time.

I like this score a lot, my favorite section is the first. Nice score in total

I would consider putting a pickup measure at the start 

"I would consider putting a pickup measure at the start" 

I will take it into consideration. Thank you for the feedback.

Hey there!

Congrats on writing your first complete piece. I think you depict what you're trying to convey pretty well, I definitely got a sense of despair and anguish while listening. It can be no easy feat when trying to adhere to a form, and you succeeded in that.

I agree with the comment above, I think starting with a pickup note would help this tremendously. Your overall phrasing of the violin melody is sort of begging for it, and it can seem a bit odd with the way it's written.

Also, doubling the melody in the piano is a great way to make it stronger, but maybe try adding some harmony in spots. If this were my piece, I'd have them doubled like you have them, but maybe the second time around give us a bit of harmony. 

I quickly drafted up the first phrase with some amendments, here's what I'm talking about. Great job overall, keep the pieces coming and keep writing! This site is a great source of information and helpful people that generally don't mind throwing in their opinions about your music. 

Thank you so much for the feedback. 

Hey @expert21,

I don't know why I've never seen this post before!

I agree with what Vince said on the pickup note. From the recording alone I feel like the first beat is a pickup and the second beat is the real first beat.

I also agree with Vince's idea to provide more harmonic support instead of repeating the melody in the piano. Probably you can add a countermelody in quaver rhythm in the right hand for more fluent movement and fuller harmony! Piano is always added many and many notes to it to increase the fluidity of the music for chamber music. Make sure to give melodic significance to the piano as well!

I do enjoy this piece however! It's a very good first attempt and for sure much better than my first one. The melody for me is beautiful, and I like how you take the degree of sixth in the first section to the second section for coherence. Just be confident in yourself!!! (From an unconfident person lol!!!)

Thanks for sharing Arjuna!

Henry