How Did I do?

I struggle with notating rhythm - here's my attempt at notating a hymn.

It's basically ok!

The "it's" in b.2 should be a low G. "All my" in b.5 is a dotted one instead of even crotchets. The "my" in b.6 and the "in" in b.7 is a D, instead of an F. "As I'm" in b.9 is A for both notes. In b.11 there should be lyrics 'Lord I know you' with notes A,G,G,F. And there should be more bars I guess?

Henry

20 minutes ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

It's basically ok!

The "it's" in b.2 should be a low G. "All my" in b.5 is a dotted one instead of even crotchets. The "my" in b.6 and the "in" in b.7 is a D, instead of an F. "As I'm" in b.9 is A for both notes. In b.11 there should be lyrics 'Lord I know you' with notes A,G,G,F. And there should be more bars I guess?

Henry

 

Thanks for the feedback, I actually decided to simplify that spot a little and take out those words when notating it. Are there any other issues with my rhythm? 

If anyone has any harmony suggestions please let me know 

@Guillem82 I always enjoy hearing your thoughts

1 hour ago, GospelPiano12 said:

Thanks for the feedback, I actually decided to simplify that spot a little and take out those words when notating it. Are there any other issues with my rhythm? 

Actually I think it's correct, since It's really difficult to mark the rhythm for this one with some improvisatory singing!

It is, very difficult

Another one, I'd like to make my chord progression a little more interesting. This one is supposed to have a somber feel on the verses, but a bigger more "orchestral/grand" sound on the chorus. 

If anyone has any ideas on what could replace the Gm7 in both verse and chorus let me know. I'm also hearing a Bb-Dm-Dbdim7-C7 at the end of the chorus instead of a Bb-Gm-Gdim7/Db-C7

Actually why do you want to replace the Gm7 chord? I don't find it bad here. If you don't want the seventh you can always replace it with a G or D. 

I just feel like there could be a better, more interesting chord there. Maybe something with a Db in the bass and I could have a F (6/4) chord afterward? What about the rest of my progression?