Aria: My Heart Dances with Joy (WIP)

The first ritornello of a short da capo aria I'm writing based on a poem by ChatGPT. I often struggle with word placement, so please do criticize it as well as the counterpoint! Do keep in mind that this is a rough draft, though.

Poem:
My heart dances with joy, a thrill
It flutters like a bird, with love to fulfill
A happiness that shines so bright
A treasure that lifts me day and night.

Hi @Hcab5861,

That's a very refreshing Baroque piece and I like this! I enjoy those sequences you employ!

Regarding counterpoint, there's a p.5 in b.9 (E-B to G#-C#), p.5 in b.20 between violin and voice (C#-G# to B-F#), p.8 between b..22-23 between violin and voice (F# to B).

Regarding the word placement, in b.15 I don't whether putting the E to the first "a" in "such a thrill" good for an indefinite pronoun.

Thanks for sharing and hope to see its entirety!

Henry

Fine piece. 

i don't know if you have used some schemata on purpose or naturally.  The opening is based don do re mi...

I like you have used the perfect authentic cadence so well.

Nice song!  I feel like the piece ends just when it was getting started.  Maybe you could do a 2nd verse repeating the same melodic material with different words?  It seems like it should repeat again what was just heard for a kind of AA form before maybe modulating to the relative minor.  That's just my impression of the piece though.  Thanks for sharing!

Very nice!  The word placement gets a bit awkward to my ear starting around measure 21.  The word "with" really doesn't need 6 eighth notes at this tempo, for example.  You might do that to fit something into the texture of counterpoint in a 4-part SATB piece, but here you only have one voice to worry about, so you can really prioritize giving it a nice sensible line.  Try singing the vocal line yourself (in whatever key works for you), and see where it feels natural to stretch a word out, have some melismas, have some leaps, have a dotted rhythm, etc.  It really helps to have the text in mind as you write a vocal line, rather than writing the notes first, and then trying to fit the text to them, if you aren't doing that already.  I like Peter's idea of adding verse two!!   I can really picture a little Cherubino singing something like this from the stage.  Really nice!

On 2/19/2023 at 6:16 PM, PeterthePapercomPoser said:

Nice song!  I feel like the piece ends just when it was getting started.  Maybe you could do a 2nd verse repeating the same melodic material with different words?  It seems like it should repeat again what was just heard for a kind of AA form before maybe modulating to the relative minor.  That's just my impression of the piece though.  Thanks for sharing!

 

Oh, it’s not done, yet! It’s just the first ritornello. I made quite a few changes recently, so I’ll make sure to update the score tomorrow! 

On 2/19/2023 at 7:36 PM, pateceramics said:

Very nice!  The word placement gets a bit awkward to my ear starting around measure 21.  The word "with" really doesn't need 6 eighth notes at this tempo, for example.  You might do that to fit something into the texture of counterpoint in a 4-part SATB piece, but here you only have one voice to worry about, so you can really prioritize giving it a nice sensible line.  Try singing the vocal line yourself (in whatever key works for you), and see where it feels natural to stretch a word out, have some melismas, have some leaps, have a dotted rhythm, etc.  It really helps to have the text in mind as you write a vocal line, rather than writing the notes first, and then trying to fit the text to them, if you aren't doing that already.  I like Peter's idea of adding verse two!!   I can really picture a little Cherubino singing something like this from the stage.  Really nice!

 

I 100% agree that the word placement is awkward in some places in this version. I made some changes and addendums in the newer version of this piece. I’ll post the updated version tomorrow 🙂

A fine ritornello theme. What's your plan for the work? Traditional or modified da capo? A contrasting B section perhaps? What do you also plan on doing with the ritornello theme: what motifs/harmonies do you find particularly interesting and want to develop further?

In terms of word placement, @pateceramics's comment about putting emphasis only on the important words is a good one. Another point I'd make is the use of word painting. Think carefully about how you want to apply your favourite musical devices (e.g. melismas, particularly high/low notes) to fit the meaning of the poem.

Just updated the score! About halfway done now at this point.

Sounds great!  I like the second verse and the edits!!

Just made a boatload of changes 🙂 Almost done with the piece!

4 hours ago, Hcab5861 said:

Just made a boatload of changes 🙂 Almost done with the piece!

Wow this is very enjoyable for me! I love all those instrumental interludes which gives breath to the vocal passages. Very lovely music in this version! Thanks for your update!

Henry

The overall structure appears quite strange to me. The opening ritornello is immediately restated with a vocal line - this is used (somewhat uncommonly) near the end of certain choruses/arias, but from memory I cannot recall a single movement from Bach's oeuvre that employs this. At least in the vocal opening, the ritornello is always varied in some form (using the usual techniques from the instrumental inventions). The variation can be very small (e.g. just inserting a few bars of sequences between two sections, or transposing the end section of the ritornello to the dominant), but it nonetheless creates a sense of development. A consequence of this is that there is a strong cadence in the tonic key, which is again, extremely unusual.

I'd also say the flute line desperately need some breaks too. Even something as simple as dropping out the flute line near strong cadences would suffice.

The material you've written however, actually looks very solid. I think all it needs is some tweaking in the order of presentation of things, and writing a few extra small blocks to fully connect things.

6 hours ago, muchen_ said:

The overall structure appears quite strange to me. The opening ritornello is immediately restated with a vocal line - this is used (somewhat uncommonly) near the end of certain choruses/arias, but from memory I cannot recall a single movement from Bach's oeuvre that employs this. At least in the vocal opening, the ritornello is always varied in some form (using the usual techniques from the instrumental inventions). The variation can be very small (e.g. just inserting a few bars of sequences between two sections, or transposing the end section of the ritornello to the dominant), but it nonetheless creates a sense of development. A consequence of this is that there is a strong cadence in the tonic key, which is again, extremely unusual.

I'd also say the flute line desperately need some breaks too. Even something as simple as dropping out the flute line near strong cadences would suffice.

The material you've written however, actually looks very solid. I think all it needs is some tweaking in the order of presentation of things, and writing a few extra small blocks to fully connect things.

 

Thank you for the feedback! I feel the same about the overall structure/the flute's lack of pauses. As I listened to my piece for contrapuntal errors, I literally had this thought"man, the flute obligato just keeps on going. I need some breaks for the poor flutist!"

9 hours ago, muchen_ said:

The overall structure appears quite strange to me. The opening ritornello is immediately restated with a vocal line - this is used (somewhat uncommonly) near the end of certain choruses/arias, but from memory I cannot recall a single movement from Bach's oeuvre that employs this. At least in the vocal opening, the ritornello is always varied in some form (using the usual techniques from the instrumental inventions). The variation can be very small (e.g. just inserting a few bars of sequences between two sections, or transposing the end section of the ritornello to the dominant), but it nonetheless creates a sense of development. A consequence of this is that there is a strong cadence in the tonic key, which is again, extremely unusual.

I'd also say the flute line desperately need some breaks too. Even something as simple as dropping out the flute line near strong cadences would suffice.

The material you've written however, actually looks very solid. I think all it needs is some tweaking in the order of presentation of things, and writing a few extra small blocks to fully connect things.

 

Alright, just finished another round of edits. How's it lookin'? I'm still working on the structure of the piece.