Lovely Spring Afternoon

Hey so I know I haven’t like, ever talked here, but here I am now! I have a song that I just wrote recently (I use flat btw). This song is called “Lovely Spring Afternoon” and it’s kinda a catchy jazzy lyrical so I suppose it goes here…? Just wanted to share, so let me know what you think and I will gladly accept feedback! Also, do you have any advice for if I were to sing this, because I’ve never like officially sung before, but I kinda can sing, so if you have any advice for that do let me know! I appreciate anything you can offer, even if that’s only nice words that’s wonderful☺️

Lovely Spring Afternoon by Moonstar Unknown

Hello @Moonstar Unknown,

8 hours ago, Moonstar Unknown said:

Hey so I know I haven’t like, ever talked here, but here I am now! I have a song that I just wrote recently (I use flat btw).

Haha post more here!

For me the song itself is enjoyable. Jist give the strings a little bit more character will be great.

For me the biggest problem will be the playablity of piano. The piano chords in b.29 can be hard to play without spreading, biut the polyrhythm there is good. The tenths in b.49 is hard too. The chorda after b.55 is unplayable with interval up to 12th.  Make sure to care for playability! Maybe you are going for the fullness and thickness of the chord, but make sure it's playable!

8 hours ago, Moonstar Unknown said:

Also, do you have any advice for if I were to sing this, because I’ve never like officially sung before, but I kinda can sing

What voice type are you in? For me the voice here is alto, but the low D can be hard to sing.

Thanks for sharing!

Henry

@Henry Ng Tsz Kiu Omg, thanks so much for the response! Forgive me, I’m still beginning to learn how this app works so I can’t make as fancy of a reply as you did yet, but hopefully I’ll pick it up pretty quickly! Since I can’t make the little red boxes, I’m just going to label the different sections if that’s okay.

1) I’m so glad you enjoy the music! I get what you mean about the strings (to be honest, I was thinking the same thing) but I’m wondering if you have any ideas about how to do it. Like should I keep the strings pretty similar harmonically to go with the melody and then just add more complex rhythm and movement within the strings? 
2) I also see what you mean about the piano playability and I will definitely look at that pretty soon. That’s something I really need to work on myself because I tend to write music that is probably impossible, to be honest. So yea I will definitely look at that.

3) I’m also alto, I think. It’s interesting, because it really depends on the day. Some days I’m better with higher notes and some days I’m better with lower notes, and so I definitely want to look into why that is so I can find ways to increase my range on a specific day without having to rely on how my voice is on a certain day. Hopefully that’s helpful, and not confusing.

But yea, overall just wanted to say thank you for the feedback because I never get this kind of feedback on my music! I’m the best composer I know irl, and the people on flat don’t really give a ton of attention towards my music, so I really appreciate the critical thought towards my music. But yea, hope these responses helped!

Hi Moonstar,

Very nice song. Flowed very well and I liked the chords you were using. Here are the things I'd work on:

1. Like what Henry mentioned, the strings could use some more character, and movement. Right now mostly they're just playing on the 1 of each measure for a good chunk of the song. I'd add syncopation, some movement within the measures and maybe contrary motion to make them sound a bit better. (Foror example in one measure, do a whole note in the cello but have the violins do an 8th note line, the violas doing 1/2 notes, etc, and then do something else for the next measure, something else in the next measure etc. I think you get the idea, just add variation between the different string instruments)

2. The vocals are a bit wordy I feel. I'd simplify them a bit and work more on the phrasing. But maybe that's just me 🙂

Hope this helps,

Soroosh