Lakes (draft, incomplete)

I am writing a piece for orchestra which is currently unfinished. I am planning to make it a one-movement piece, and this is what I have so far. Let me know what you think and if there is anything I can improve

This sound really beautiful. 

One thing i noticed in the beginning in case this is in concert pitch is be careful with repeating ideas identical with the same tones as the ear get tired of too many repetitions so I would recommend with try using your ideas on a different tone of the scale to create some variant. 

But this is really well done please finish this. It will turn out really awesome. 

1 hour ago, Bjarke said:

This sound really beautiful. 

One thing i noticed in the beginning in case this is in concert pitch is be careful with repeating ideas identical with the same tones as the ear get tired of too many repetitions so I would recommend with try using your ideas on a different tone of the scale to create some variant. 

But this is really well done please finish this. It will turn out really awesome. 

 

Thanks! I will try that

Hello

The work is very interesting and beautiful. I think it makes good use of timmres and sections.
The climax is very well achieved.
There are some things a bit strange. I refer to the instrumentation. There are moments when two notes sound in a bassoon (b. 7) or in a clarinet (b. 23-26). On the other hand the strings in pizzicato, are in divisi ?

10 hours ago, Luis Hernández said:

Hello

The work is very interesting and beautiful. I think it makes good use of timmres and sections.
The climax is very well achieved.
There are some things a bit strange. I refer to the instrumentation. There are moments when two notes sound in a bassoon (b. 7) or in a clarinet (b. 23-26). On the other hand the strings in pizzicato, are in divisi ?

 

I usually add the divisis and other markings and change engraving details once I finish writing the score. The strings in pizzicato are in divisi

OK, I forgot this was a draft.....

Hello @jasoney,

Welcome to the forum!

I find this one very enjoyable. This one is in pentatonic and sounds very oriental for me at the beginning. I like your treatment of the theme when you use different instruments to present it, the overall mood is great with the chordal plus pizzicato strings. Those quartal harmonies like in b.13 is very lovely.

In the middle section in 2/4, as @Luis Hernández noted the climax is very well built. I am not going to lie, the climax in b.21 sounds like the middle section of the Augurs of Spring in the Rites.

The climax in b.39 is great with the loud trumpets with organ added. What will be the length of your piece? I think this climax is too grand to be put here and maybe it will fit more to be put at the near end of the piece. But this is personal.

Since this piece is unfinished, I am going to move this piece to the forum for incomplete pieces, hope you won't mind.

Thx for sharing your music and joining us! This is a great first post here.

Henry

Hi, I agree wit all the above comments.  Some variation(s) in the woodwinds would be most welcome.  I enjoyed the color/texture of the work so far.  I look forward to its further development.  I think you can really pull out much more .....

On 8/8/2023 at 9:47 PM, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

Hello @jasoney,

Welcome to the forum!

I find this one very enjoyable. This one is in pentatonic and sounds very oriental for me at the beginning. I like your treatment of the theme when you use different instruments to present it, the overall mood is great with the chordal plus pizzicato strings. Those quartal harmonies like in b.13 is very lovely.

In the middle section in 2/4, as @Luis Hernández noted the climax is very well built. I am not going to lie, the climax in b.21 sounds like the middle section of the Augurs of Spring in the Rites.

The climax in b.39 is great with the loud trumpets with organ added. What will be the length of your piece? I think this climax is too grand to be put here and maybe it will fit more to be put at the near end of the piece. But this is personal.

Since this piece is unfinished, I am going to move this piece to the forum for incomplete pieces, hope you won't mind.

Thx for sharing your music and joining us! This is a great first post here.

Henry

 

Thanks for the feedback! My goal is for the piece to be around 3-5 minutes.  But I thought of just ending it there because I had no other ideas

This is really nice! Reminds me of Camille Pépin's Les Eaux célestes.

I'm a sucker for anything impressionism so I'll be awaiting the end product with enthusiasm.

The only suggestion not mentioned before is consider adding/elaborating more complex ostinatos in later sections, just simple ones can get tiresome if they span too long. There's some examples to be found in La mer (obviosuly) and of course in The Rite of Spring.

As for new ideas:

1) Sections built mainly with syncopations.

2) Dark sections in Locrian or Phrygian or a combination of the two, for tonal and modal contrast.

3) Sections built with symetrical scales (https://chromatone.center/theory/scales/symmetrical/), still thinking Debussy but also Bartok and early Messiaen.

4) Climatic chorales with thick polychords as in Daphnis et chloe.

@jasoney

Beautiful! I'm using this in my next short! Be sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel if interested in what I do (I talk about musical works from this forum, but I also do music appreciation, and of course, talk about my product, Music Jotter).

As far as your piece, I love the beginning a lot, however I about 2 minutes in, you change the mood too drastically. For example, we have a sort of mystical sensation, and I really think I am by a lake. But we lose this mood as you take the piece to crescendo. Please don't lose this mood, this is such a beautiful piece of art.

A gem of a piece!

I like the way you've subdivided the violins into 3.

Colin Matthews does this in some of his works, to make the size of the violin groupings more balanced with the other strings.

You probably ought to specify which stops should be used on the church organ when you complete the score.

Hey man this is really good! I really like the mood at the beginning, the orchestration is stellar. I'm curious what sample libraries you used? They sound really good!

I'll agree with what @chopin said about the transition between the mystical mood at the beginning and the more rhythmic crescendo. I think have the very different moods is ok, but the transition between them is a little weak.

One thing that may help: I like the rest at the end of m.4 and m.7, which acts as a comma and creates anticipation for the next phrase. However, it felt to me like something similar would work at the end of the ascending string/flute run in m.12. (Instead of continuing the pizzicato figure in the 2nd Violins. Then the descending figure in the woodwinds would be more dramatic, and maybe and a slight rit. before the 2/4 section. Just a thought, feel free to ignore if you're happy with how it is.

Thanks for sharing, it is a nice listen!