89p0o5322ef Posted October 24, 2023 Posted October 24, 2023 (edited) . Edited February 7 by 89p0o5322ef 1 Quote
Bjarke Posted October 24, 2023 Posted October 24, 2023 Very nice piece and very clear form. Good job. I think what could make this piece better is more modulation. For example in The A part we hear the the motiff on H,B I think at least 3 times on the same tones. My guess is that it would be more exciting for the ear if you would modulate the same idea to diffrent tones maybe at most repeating the idea twice. In the first bar there is no third which is what determind if it's major or minor so to make it more clear we are in g major maybe add the third in somehow? Maybe in the bass? (like you do in bar 5 for example) If my teacher where to critiquing this he would say there is a parralel fifth from bar 4 to 5 which you should try to aviod. This may just be my opinon but I feel like you are using a lot of diffrent ideas which is great because it shows a lot of creativity but maybe simplify it and focus more on develop your current ideas? You do it already but I think it could be simplfied a little more maybe. (I would recomend studying mozart since he was a master of simplicity) Something that could spice it up a little maybe would for example be that you have an idea Melody right hand. Accompaniment Left hand. But what if you switch those up sometimes? Not a must but just a suggestion. This may also just be me but i feel like the cadance could be more clear somehow for the ear. I think it might be a harmony "problem" For example you have a G in the bass and a F# in the melody which is a very dissoance tone. Maybe it would make sense to stand on the dominant? (D major) or in bar 28 stand on the dominants dominant which would be a major which would also lead to D major which you uses in bar 13. just an idea. So in conclusion my suggestion would be to simplyfy more. Develop more(for good idea on how to develop an idea study Chopin's etudes. His etudes a basically a masterclass on developing "simple" ideas to their fullest potential) Maybe study harmony some more? (I used to study four part harmony maybe that would help?) Hope i wasn't too harsh. Keep composing! And very good work!. Kind regards. Bjarke. 1 Quote
PeterthePapercomPoser Posted October 28, 2023 Posted October 28, 2023 Hi again Aaron, I think you make a great use of suspensions and neighbor tones in this piece to bring some well prepared melodic dissonance into the music! I think in measure 16, I perceive a missed opportunity for you to maybe modulate into the minor mode (using Bb's instead of B naturals in that measure would have been really fitting imo). Measure 17 might also have worked with a G minor chord instead of G major (possibly). But that might just be my perception. Thanks for sharing this charming piece! 1 Quote
Henry Ng Tsz Kiu Posted October 31, 2023 Posted October 31, 2023 Hi Aaron, I may extend b.9-12 to an 8 bar structure to balance the first 8 bars to match the style of the piece, but this is subjective. Like Peter has said I like your usage of non-harmonic notes particularly the suspensions, and again you should venture to minor keys or keys other than the dominant D major at the beginning of the B section since you have already ended the first section in D major and this can be slightly monotonous. You can also try adding dynamics now since your harmonic progression is start building and you can take some efforts on other details! I quite like this piece's simplicity, thx for sharing! Henry 1 Quote
Luis Hernández Posted October 31, 2023 Posted October 31, 2023 I like the piece as is, everything can always be improved (although I prefer to write new things). I really like the contrast of the very "choppy" opening sentence with the following more fluid one. This is a style that is very close to the Galant period. I'm sure you would benefit greatly from knowing and applying some of the "formulas" of the style, call them "schemata" or whatever you like. 1 Quote
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