Sonata no. 5 mvnts 1-2

This is a piano sonata I've been working on. It's sort of a venting piece for me. I write it while dealing with the thoughts of being a gay man in a conservative Christian community, so I think it's applicable for Saint Valentine's Day, but instead of "I love you," it's more, "I wish I could love you (without being abandoned or shunned by everyone I know)." Kind of melodramatic, I know, but I'm pretty happy with it so far. I plan on making 2 more movements.

Forgive my mistakes in the piano recording, (especially measures 246-7. Yikes, I butchered that)!

Hey Jonathon,

The beginning reminds me of the beginning of Chopin sonata no.2 but more extended here. The tempo markings are also very similar to that! I love that tremolo in the development section very much and the lead up to the G major section is a great one and a great contrast! Those diminished chord tremolos remind me of Liszt, and that sixteenth note pick-up reminds me his Dante Sonata very much. I think you can indicate m.g. and m.s. for the three staff passage in b.250. Ending on a six four chord is nice lead up to the next one. Maybe you can add an attaca at the end of the 1st movement?

The second movement is a nice bittersweet waltz without the girl I guess? I think it should be Doppio in b.65. I think the transition to the Allegro furioso section is a little bit abrupt, but I love the energy there! Will you change b.141 to 157 right hand to treble clef? It will be easier to read! That Allegro section in b.195 is very much like the ending of the recapitulation of the 1st movement of Chopin’s 2nd Sonata (again)! 

26 minutes ago, ComposaBoi said:

Forgive my mistakes in the piano recording, (especially measures 246-7. Yikes, I butchered that)!

You play much better than my playing on own pieces! Nice job playing your own piece!

34 minutes ago, ComposaBoi said:

I plan on making 2 more movements.

Looking forward to that!

Thx for sharing!

Henry

1 hour ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

The beginning reminds me of the beginning of Chopin sonata no.2 but more extended here. The tempo markings are also very similar to that! I love that tremolo in the development section very much and the lead up to the G major section is a great one and a great contrast! Those diminished chord tremolos remind me of Liszt, and that sixteenth note pick-up reminds me his Dante Sonata very much. I think you can indicate m.g. and m.s. for the three staff passage in b.250.

The Chopin sonata was definitely a big inspiration, but I didn't even realise the clear Liszt Dante sonata influence lol.

1 hour ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

Maybe you can add an attaca at the end of the 1st movement?

I did intend an attacca at the end, I just forgot what it was called 😐. 

1 hour ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

I think it should be Doppio in b.65.

That was a typo. There was another typo where I accidentally did 'mosse' instead of 'mosso'. I also noticed I left my full name in there, so to avoid being doxxed, I updated the score with some of these fixes.

1 hour ago, Henry Ng Tsz Kiu said:

Will you change b.141 to 157 right hand to treble clef?

Just another thing I missed. Fixed that too.

Thank you for the feedback!

yay, more sonatas! my favourite genre!

I can't find much fault at all, perhaps the piano itself lol sounds a bit copper-y

I hope you are able to find refuge 🙂

On repeated listening this piece coheres more for me, with the link between the introduction and the main theme being more apparent.  I think this piece would really benefit from being orchestrated into a kind of symphonic movement, since all the empty space in the beginning could be filled up giving (for me at least) a better impression.

Harmonically the piece seems too simple and that makes it sound happy go lucky.  There are some tricks you could have used to set the major mode melody in a more romantic way (imo) such as using as many minor chords from the key as possible (such as ii, iii, vi and vii).  Throwing in mode mixtures could also have enhanced that (such as iv and v).  You could also change things up by not starting on the tonic or by setting as many of the melody notes as chord extensions as possible (which is something you do in the 2nd movement).

I do have to say that I liked your 2nd movement much better than the 1st as I thought it was more romantic.  Thanks for sharing!

Peter 

The starting motif really made me thought that it was going in the direction of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2, but its suited that its not, though the motif keeps coming, it is in different ways. 

A bit far-fetched here, but the later parts of the piece, which I like more than the start, remind me of the middle climax portions of Oskar Merikanto's Idyll and Romanssi and Chopin's Nocturne Op 27-1

Wow dude, this was great. "This is my new favorite thing from you" feels like my new catch phrase lately, but it's true here. Your playing is far from inadequate, you're a tremendous player, so grats on that. 

On 2/1/2024 at 7:20 AM, ComposaBoi said:

It's sort of a venting piece for me.

Yes, yes it is. Very much so, I'd say. Your writing is very honest, and I really love that this was a recording of you and not a computer. The note choices were yours, what felt best in your own hands instead of theory crafting what should sound great with notation software playback. 

I'm really impressed with your craftsmanship. In the first movement, you took two widely different themes and developed them together really well. I love how after the repeat you take the 2nd themes texture but make it more somber, and then you take the 1st theme's character and blended it with the phrasing of the 2nd. Very cool and creative stuff to me. 

And again with the themes, it was awesome to hear how you made a piece with two very different "feels". At first I didn't care for it, but as the piece went on I liked it more and more, so much so that I want to try it out for myself at some point. Your recording served justice to with the tempo and rubato, as the 1st theme is almost timeless and improvisational, and the 2nd with it's stricter dance rhythm.

The 2nd movement was very cool too, much for the same reasons. Just the way you develop your material is outstanding. 

If there's any note I could think of for future compositions, I'd say just watch the length of those diminished transitions you have. Sometimes that effect would get a little stale to my ears. Maybe developing that texture a little would work if you like the length? Otherwise, figuring out your sequence to getting back to a certain key or whatever on those static diminished harmonies might be better if done more succinctly. 

That's subjective I'd say. Overall this is a well thought out composition and a wonderful performance. I did the same in a time crunch (as far as recording to post), so I know you worked hard and practiced a bunch to give us the best representation of your music. You didn't settle for the midi, and I applaud your work. 

On 2/1/2024 at 7:20 AM, ComposaBoi said:

I write it while dealing with the thoughts of being a gay man in a conservative Christian community, so I think it's applicable for Saint Valentine's Day, but instead of "I love you," it's more, "I wish I could love you (without being abandoned or shunned by everyone I know)." Kind of melodramatic

I would have been disappointed if you had written about anything else. For a holiday all about the heart, it was nice to hear what was in yours. 

Can't wait for the final movements, awesome music!

Enjoyed this piece a lot, well done! And well done as well for playing your own piece so well -> each time I try to do that, I end up publishing the computer-generated version 😉...

I could indeed feel some influences of Chopin and Liszt, but really inspiring work overall!

Very much enjoyed the 1st movement, especially the passage from 3:45 - 4:55, very moving, powerful.

2nd movement: not everything to my taste: I particularly liked the atmosphere from 11:24 to 12:15. 

Thanks for sharing

(PS: was that a dog barking at 5:30 😆?)