Crying Bear - Rock Piece

EDIT:  I made second version, i was thinking is it too heavy but maybe it is not after all. No drums Viola playing melody, slowly moving basso, piano and accordion playing chords. oboe playing contra melody in second repetition. tempo 84 duration 2:30

This is quite simple piece. Duration 2 minutes.

But there is one trick in it - i avoided writing e or eb most of the time. 

There is also slight feeling of surprise in the melody although it is logical if you know how it goes.

The melody is played twice, first with flute and then with electric guitar. The drum line is just a standard line.

Hi @semotivo!

I think this definitely has potential!  I listened only to the first version for flute and guitar.  I think the beginning piano chords kind of set the stage for the main melody and act as almost like a chord-melody hybrid.  The melody itself is very self-referential and there is definitely unity in it.  But for me it is interspersed with lots of unnecessary filler material like wandering scalar passages up and down the scale which detract from my enjoyment of the main melody.  "Too many notes" as they say in Amadeus.  I think if you simplified and shortened the melody it would help it tremendously as right now it also sounds kinda like a run-on sentence.  There is also no space in the melody - it just keeps going and going once it gets started.  If there were more cadential points or respites from the constant motion it would give the listener a much needed break and allow for perhaps a more interesting drum-fill to take place instead of the constant repeating pattern you have in the drums.  That's my perception of the music.  Thanks for sharing!

Edit:  I listened to the 2nd file now as well, and I do have to say that I like it better!  It definitely improves on the material in the 1st file.  Slowing down the tempo and getting rid of the drums was definitely a good choice.  Introducing a countermelody on the oboe was also a good choice.  The main melody still has too much random scalar motion in it for my taste but you've definitely improved the piece so great job on that!