Tale of a Forgotten Epitaph (sonatina)

This is a piece following condensed sonata form written after finally defeating writers block for a few weeks. It was inspired by a bunch of forgotten about, cracked, ancient (possibly Roman) tombstones that lie on the side of a path in southern Spain, most of them were used for building two hundred years ago, but some lie there abandoned, peeking through the dried grass

While I plan to revise it, it will not be in the near future, and it is finished how it is. I would appreciate feedback of any sort

Here follows a guided analysis

Introduction: b1-10

• A monophonic chant presenting the main motif of the piece (ascending fourth), followed by the presentation of the ostinato for the first theme, which contains the second motif (three stepwise descending notes)

Exposition: 

• First Theme: b11-26
  • In Eb Phrygian Dorian, based on the shape of the opening chant, but also including motif two in the melody
• Transition: b27-34
  • Modulation from db to Bb
• Second Theme: b35-53
  • In Bb Acoustic, focusing in motif two but also including motif one

Development: b54-92

• Begins in E minor as a transformation of theme 1 in the lower register, with motif 1 serving as the accompaniment, it quickly gains harmonic instability and turns into transformation of theme 2 in A# minor, that turns into a restatement of the opening chant, but in C# minor, working as a false recapitulation. Instead of turning into a recapitulation of theme one, it goes back to the texture of the beginning of the development, but gains harmonic instability and serves as a way to lead back to the recapitulation

Recapitulation:

• Second Theme: b93-108
  • In Eb acoustic, now triumphant 
• Transition: b109-118
  • Reaches db minor and develops motif 1 mostly in its rhythmical shape, modulation back to Eb Phrygian Dorian 
• First Theme: b119-128
  • Eb Phrygian Dorian, funeral-like and devoid of ornamentation

Coda: b129-132

• Opening chant, quoting Debussy’s Brouillards

Thank you in advance 

Manuel

Hi @Jqh73o!

I love the arch-like form of the piece!  I think the main thematic material is solid and is well harmonized.  I love the many modal explorations you accomplish and the different harmonies that result.  I think in some places in the piece the texture is a bit muddy and too bottom-heavy.  You could remedy this in a few ways - bring out the important notes more through higher velocity values.  If that doesn't work you could also orchestrate this piece!  I think there's a lot of potential for the piece to be made better with an orchestration - in other words, an orchestration could remedy the poor balance in some spots and give clarity.  Sometimes there's too much pedal imo, and taking the piece out of the pianistic venue and into the realm of an orchestral one could be just what the piece needs to shine and breathe better.  That's my opinion.  Thanks for sharing!

A very interesting work.
Perhaps it is a bit too “intellectualized”.
Let me explain: there is a succession of modes and tonalities, some a bit “infrequent” that, given the strong character they have, the transitions between them sometimes don't work too well. For example between the second theme in Bb acoustic (Bb Lydian dominant?) and E minor. Then abruptly one ends and the other begins. At other times it works much better.
The first part has a strong sonority because of the phrygian question (what is Dorian Eb phrygian? maybe Eb phrygian with sixth?).
From measure 60 on there are a lot of chords in the bass part that make it sound heavy and undefined. Especially because they are sounding for a considerable period of time. There are “rules” for using chords in that part of the tessitura, in general, but the main thing is to open-lighten the chords.
The truth is that the piece is an intense work and the most remarkable thing, from my point of view, is that the counterpoint sounds very good.
One observation is, also a personal matter, there are octaves for almost all the development. I don't know, Liszt used them everywhere, but he knew very well what he was doing and when. To me it sounds excessive and in the end there is no contrast. In other words, except for the beginning, the texture is very dense all the time.